The Boy who Lives
by Garyinspired95
Summary: I was asked to write a short fanfiction for a contest. I wrote this and won. Harry was alive a year or so before his parents were murdered. This is a look at what that was like before his life was changed forever...
1. The birth of the boy who lived

Harry Potter Fan fiction: The Birth of the Boy who lived

"Oh god! What the heck am I doing here?" James said nervously, pacing in the hall way of the hospital.

"Having your kid?" Sirius guessed sarcastically. He was lounging casually in a chair just outside the room where Lily Potter was to be giving birth. He and Remus Lupin were waiting with James Potter. James had been having this nervous break-down since Lily had stated that it was time to go to the hospital. It was a bit of a surprise to Sirius as to why he was so worked up all of the sudden; earlier that week they had been joking about how much fun they were going to have with this kid and how great it was going to be. Yet here was James panicking none-the-less.

He threw Sirius a nasty look at his remark.

"I know why I'm here….I just….I can't be a father!" he blurted out at last. "I-I- you know me Sirius! I have the maturity level of a four year old!"

Sirius laughed, "No arguing with you there, mate."

James didn't seem to have heard him, or if he had, he didn't seem to care. He was still pacing back and forth, obviously deep in thought. Sirius watched him with some interest. He leaned over to Remus with a smirk on his lips.

"What do you say; we freak him out a bit more?" Sirius asked eyeing the paranoid James. Remus didn't answer; he didn't have time. James had heard Sirius this time and there was the slightest bit of a grin on his face.

"Shut up, Padfoot. You know you couldn't prank me. You're too daft." James almost laughed at Sirius's astonished face.

"Ouch, Prongs…words can hurt, you know?" Sirius muttered with a mock of sadness in his voice. He looked at James to see him pacing nervously again. "What are you so worried about?" Sirius inquired, "I mean…honestly, we've pretty much raised Peter, and he didn't turn out too bad!"

Remus laughed this time as the short mousy man next to them finally looked up indignantly at Sirius's comment.

"Sorry, Pete; only joking." Sirius chuckled. Peter continued to look out the window, totally oblivious again. James, however, was thinking hard about what Sirius had said.

"Come on, Sirius. This is different! I'm not joking around this time! What…what if I screw this kid up? What if I raise him wrong and he turns out to be an idiot?" James spluttered. This had obviously been on his mind a while; it must have really been bothering him.

"With you as his father…that's sort of inevitable." Sirius muttered. James glared at him.

"I mean it! I'm serious!" James shouted.

Sirius laughed, "No…that would be me…"

James just gave an exasperated sigh and continued pacing. Sirius finally looked James straight in the eyes, making him stop in his tracks.

"What?" James asked, wondering why he was being stared at.

"You're acting like an idiot." Sirius said, "You're going to be a great father. I don't know what it is about her, but when you're with Lily….it's like you're a different person." He paused, trying to think how he could get through to him. All he could think of was, "Trust me, man. This is one lucky kid. Even if you screw up, he'll still have us!" he motioned to himself and Remus and Peter.

"Oh great! Now I'm totally doomed!" James muttered sarcastically. He finally relaxed a little and sat in the other chair beside Sirius. However, as soon as he sat, a healer from the delivery room came out and all four men jumped up to greet whatever news he was bearing. The healer was wearing a smile and he looked straight at James as he spoke.

"Why don't you come in and see your son?" he said opening the door for them.

James's smile couldn't have been wider. He looked at Sirius. Sirius smiled back, encouraging him to go forward into the room.

"I…I have a son!" James said quietly, but excitedly none-the-less.

They were all led into the room where Lily was sitting up looking thoroughly exhausted, but happy. She was holding a bundle of blue blankets. The love in her eyes was so pure and beautiful. James approached her and sat by her on the bed. He placed his hand lovingly on hers.

"James….meet your son, Harry." Lily said quietly, handing the small bundle over into James's arms.

The small child squirmed slightly, but soon relaxed in his father's arms. He opened his green eyes and stared up at the man with extraordinarily untidy black hair. A pudgy hand reached out of the blankets. James stared down at the child with awe.

"Look at him…." He muttered, "Just look at him… looks just like you, Lily…" he said, looking back up at his wife.

"I think he looks like you…" she said putting a hand on James's arm gently.

James slowly got up and walked over to Sirius, Remus, and Peter who were watching with smiles on their faces. He looked at Sirius and handed the bundle to him. Sirius took Harry carefully and held him.

"Sirius…Lily and I were talking…and we've decided…we'd like you to be Harry's godfather." James said quietly, while Sirius looked down at the little boy. "We couldn't think of anyone better to take care of our child if…if anything happened to us. No one better than you…"

Sirius looked at him with surprise. "Seriously?" he asked, smiling widely. James nodded and Sirius looked back down at Harry, who was now sleeping soundly in his arms. "Wow…" he muttered. He laughed softly, "Now, don't you worry; if these guys start acting mean, I'll always be around to make sure you're spoiled rotten."

Everyone chuckled at this. Harry opened his eyes again, looking straight up at Sirius.

"Well, Harry Potter…You're one lucky kid…." Sirius muttered, thinking of how incredibly loved he was going to be with this family.


	2. Full House

"Ouch, Sirius, don't do that!" Peter squealed and Sirius just laughed at him. They were in the back seat of the car Remus was driving. He seemed to be the only one of the four to think it would come in handy to get a muggle drivers license. He had rented the car for this occasion so they could get back to James's house faster without being noticed by muggles….

"Don't make me come back there!" Remus said looking through the rearview mirror.

"He started it, I swear!" Sirius said indignantly.

"I didn't do anything! He just started jabbing me with his wand!" Peter whined.

"Sirius…." Remus shook his head obviously thinking over why on earth he was friends with such an idiot.

"Why? Why do you _always _assume it's me?" Sirius said pretending to be hurt by this.

"Because…Sirius…it always _is_ you." Remus laughed, knowing how completely honest he was being; It really was always Sirius's fault.

"Well, you know what they say when you assume?" Sirius said pompously, "You make an _ASS _out of _U_ and _ME_! Get it?_ ASSUME_!"

Sirius was preoccupied the rest of the ride laughing at his own joke. They pulled up to the curb and Sirius got out first, and then locked Peter in. Unfortunately, Remus caught him in the act and gave him a stern look.

"Fine…. Gosh you suck the fun right out of everything…."

"Thank you for that. Now, let him out."

"Fun sucker…."

Sirius did let Peter out and the three men walked up the drive to the Potter's new house in Godric's Hallow. It wasn't so new anymore, but still, the thought of James Potter actually living in a nice house stunned them considering he'd never really worked hard enough at anything to come up with anything to show for it.

James would remain at the hospital with Lily until later that evening. So, he had put his three best friends in charge of watching the house until he got back. Well, mostly Remus; Sirius's idea of watching the house was purposely trashing it just to bug James. That, and picking on Peter to no end.

Remus felt as though he was babysitting, not house sitting.

"Oh for Merlin's sake, would you too shut it!" He said finally looking up from his book. Sirius had got Peter into arguing over which drummer was better; Ringo Starr or Richard Starkey. (Sirius was fooling with Peter, because he didn't know that they were the same person.)

"Just turn back to your pretty little book, I'm watching the kid." Sirius said leaning back against the wall, sitting on the floor.

"You are horrible at this…" Peter muttered, hating that he was being referred to as 'the kid'.

"Jeez, Pete, you're a worse whiner than my brother was- and that is really saying something!"

"My, god, Siri! You are such an Ass!" Peter said rolling his eyes, grinning though.

"Nope, I would be a dog. They are much cooler. I can bite that little rat's face of yours off if you don't watch it."

"Right, and I couldn't just get James to tear you up!" Peter thought for sure he was winning this battle.

"Oh, yes, let's all cower in fear from a DEER! Bloody hell, Peter you need to come up with better threats! Get it through your think little head; Dogs eat deer, ya know?" Sirius was clearing having a good time with this argument. "Not to mention, I'd have the wolf on my side wouldn't I, Moony."

"Sure." Remus said bitterly.

Sirius dropped the subject after that. He knew when he had gone too far.

"You guys are horrible at this game!" Sirius shouted triumphantly. They were playing gin; a card game Sirius was particularly fond of (and not just because it was named after an alcoholic beverage.)

The trio sat at the kitchen table and, for once, they were all occupied with the same thing; Sirius was cheating, and Remus and Peter knew it. They just had to catch him at it. So, in all honesty, they weren't really playing gin. They were playing _how can we get prove Sirius is cheating…_ It was game they played quite often.

Suddenly there was a noise outside; a faint pop. All three men were silent. The tension in the room built until they heard the lock turn in the key hole.

James walked into the room. It was clear that he was blissfully happy. They smiled at the sight of him. He walked into the kitchen and sat down beside Sirius.

"What are we up to?" James yawned and stretched where he sat.

"Nothing you can prove…." Sirius muttered smirking.

"Gin?"

"Yes, please." Sirius said, acting as though he was absorbed in the card hand he held.

James just rolled his eyes, "You guys still haven't got Sirius?"

They shook their heads. Remus didn't really seem to care, but Peter looked absolutely confounded that he couldn't figure it out.

James leaned back and surveyed Sirius for a second. Sirius met his eyes, and smirked, as if daring him to guess how he was doing it. James thought about it, then smirked right back.

"Remus…has he been second shuffling the deck?"

"Yes."

"Has he been winning by pairs, or by house?"

"House."

"He's hiding the Aces up his sleeve."

Sirius gaped at him. James just leaned back and put his arms behind his head pompously.

"Bastard…" Sirius muttered and shook the cards out of his sleeve.

"You ought to know better, Padfoot….I taught you that one." James chuckled.

"You did not! I remember coming up with that one, I just pulled it on you before, that's how you knew it! You came up with shuffling the deck with all suits on the top!"

"GREAT! Thanks for giving that one up, Paddy!"

"It's a stupid one, you'll get over it."

"Oh here we go…." Remus muttered, putting his head in his hands, knowing what was coming.

"Is that a fact, Black?"

"There's not need to rhyme, Potter…."

"Are you making fun of the way I smack talk?"

"Why yes, yes I am! You suck at it!"

"Well you're mum!"

"That doesn't bother me! We both know she's a bitch!"

"With you as her son, she can't help it!"

That was all it really took. Before Peter or Remus knew it, Sirius and James were wrestling on the ground like a bunch of boys, not men.

You would have thought they were really trying to kill each other, if it weren't for Sirius laughing hysterically every time James made an attempt at an insulting comeback. The only thing insulting about them was the fact that they were so bad.

"Oh I feel bad for this Harry Potter…." Remus said laughing.

"And why is that?" James stood and went back to his chair, as though he hadn't just been rough housing like a child a moment ago. Sirius had following in suit, gathering the card back together and shuffling them.

"This'll be a full house. What could be better for the kid? He'll have us, it'll be freaking awesome-!"

"Yeah…a full house, alright…a full house of idiots…."

"That may be…but what fun are the people who aren't idiots?" Peter pointed out.

"They often turn out to be fun suckers…." Sirius muttered, smirking…

"Ya, Remus, that's why we have you. You'll be the one influence in his life that's responsible. You and Lils." James said shrugging as though it were just so obvious.

"Ya, and leave you and Sirius to joke and cheat the rest of your lives away?"

"Yup…speaking of which," Sirius had split the deck of cards and he had the evil little grin on his face… "Anyone up for a game?"


	3. Getting Sentimental

Several days passed after little Harry was born.

Remus, Sirius, and Peter were over as often as they could be, hoping to help out with what needed to be done. It wasn't so much taking care of the baby, but making arrangements for protection. They still refused to live in fear. They'd be happy. They'd do their best to be happy.

James heard him crying first. He groaned slightly and opened an eye, looking at the clock. It was useless; he grabbed for his glasses. Then he groaned again. It was three a.m. He felt like he had just fallen asleep again when Harry's cries woke him.

Lily stirred next to him, getting up for the third time that night. James reached out and grabbed her hand.

"No… I got it…go back to bed…." He mumbled and stumbled up to the door in the pitch darkness.

Lily sat back on the bed, grateful for the break. She watched him leave the room, smiling. It wasn't even a minute later that she curled back up under the sheets and fell asleep.

James walked into Harry's room and flicked on the light.

"What's got ya down, buddy?" James whispered leaning over the railing of his crib. Harry's crying calmed slightly at the sight of James. James lifted the child up into his arms and bounced him slightly, shushing him. He walked over to the mirror on the wall in the room, pointing at it.

"Hey…who's that?" James asked Harry in a light voice.

"Who are those handsome studs?" Harry stared at the mirror, transfixed. He reached out and touched his own reflection. James ruffled the little hair that was on Harry's head and made a face into the mirror. His son looked just like him there. Both had their hair standing on end. James stuck out his bottom lip at Harry. Harry mimicked. James chuckled slightly. He gasped and Harry's eyes went wide. James then crossed his eyes and Harry giggled.

Lily heard something after several minutes. It was James. She looked at the doorway across from the bed, seeing the light in Harry's room was still on. She smiled as she was able to comprehend what the noise was. James was singing to Harry.

She stood and wrapped her robe about her and walked to the baby's room. She stood in the doorway and watched James rock Harry side to side, singing _Beautiful Boy_. She had to admit the scene was adorable.

He hadn't noticed her standing there. James was just trying to get Harry back to sleep. In the attempt of doing so, James was getting drowsy himself.

"_Close your eyes…have no fear…the monster's gone… he's on the run and your daddy's here…."_

James turned and saw Lily there. He smiled and her. Lily couldn't help but wonder how she could have ever doubted that he was right for her. Harry was sleeping soundly in James's arms now. She looked at them; her two favorite people in the world. Lily walked over to James. He leaned down and their lips met.

"I love you Lily Potter."

"I love you James Potter…"

Harry stretched his arms in his sleep then shifted to James's other shoulder. Lily kissed the top of his head.

"He's out like a light…." She muttered, smiling, "You coming back to bed?" She asked James, walking toward the door.

James was staring at Harry, sleeping. "Nah… I'll be another minute or two…."

"Alright…don't be too long… I get scared too you know." She teased.

"Yeah…mostly because of me, too."

"Yes…Mostly your fault…"

"I won't burn down the house Lils…that was just Sirius joking around." He laughed softly, careful not to wake Harry.

Surprisingly, she laughed too. Then, she walked back down the hall and to her own bed.

It was a couple of minutes before James felt ok to leave Harry to sleep. He didn't want to let him go once he was asleep. James felt very protective at night with Harry. He wasn't a fool as to what was going on in the world around them. He knew Voldemort was out for anyone in the Order of the Phoenix. That included him and Lily. They were his world. James wasn't going to let anything happen to them….

"Um….?" That was all James said that morning as he walked into Remus's house. He saw Sirius face down on the couch, totally crashed.

"Needed to crash somewhere last night…." Remus muttered smiling slightly.

"What was our boy doing?" James laughed, taking a seat across from Sirius.

"Well, I have no idea really…. He came by my door last night and said something about, 'What the hell? This isn't my house….' So, fool that I am… I let him in.

"Oh man…he's gonna be hung over big time." James laughed softly, trying not to wake him.

"My thoughts exactly…anyway, what's Lily doing?" Remus said sitting in a kitchen chair he'd pulled from the kitchen. It was a small place, but homey. There were book scattered here and there, but it was mostly clean of clutter. It was a two bedroom house, ranch style. Remus liked that; it was simple.

"Well, that's why I'm here actually. She wants to clean the house today and…apparently… I get in the way or something."

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me…." Remus said, grinning.

"Thanks, Moony…." James said sarcastically, and then moved closer to the couch, "Are you ready?" He smirked to Remus.

"Oh yes…I am indeed…" Remus cocked a grin and walked to the couch. He grabbed the string that led to the blinds, right over the couch. James got right in Sirius's ear and nodded to Remus, who yanked the blinds up while James shouted, "RISE AND SHINE!"

Sirius's eyes shot open and he threw a pillow violently in James's direction. He missed.

"Oh my god, I hate you…." He muttered and buried his head into the pillow left on the couch.

James and Remus laughed loudly, making Sirius wince.

"What were you doing last night, young man? We'd like to know."

"Well, isn't that just so sweet of you to ask." Sirius pulled the pillow up to cover his face.

"You're in big trouble mister, what did you do?"

"I don't fully recall, so shut it, you git." Sirius said, his voice hoarse, but you could almost hear his sarcastic smile in his voice. The only thing on Sirius's mind at the current time went a little something like this:

"_Sleep….yes…that would be nice….why the hell is it so freakin' bright in here?"_

James wasn't having that though. It wasn't as though this was uncommon for Sirius to do something like this; randomly getting drunk one night and coming home to…not his home…. However, when he did this, there was usually a reason. James knew this because he was usually with Sirius when it happened. And, quite honestly, he was usually drunk with him.

"Come on Padfoot, what happened? I'm simply dying to know the wonderful details." He smirked and sat back in his original chair. Remus had gone to close the blinds again and get Sirius a glass of water.

Sirius sat and thought for a moment. Then, it struck him. He remembered why he had started drinking, but not what happened during. His face was grim, but still he gave a hoarse laugh.

"The little bastard went and got himself killed…. And I only just found out…." He shook his head, trying to shake off the thought of blaming himself for it.

"Who?" James asked, though he had a good guess….

"Regulus…. I was just sitting there, and I got up to go home; I hadn't had that much to drink, I was just talking to some guy from school…he was a year or so younger than us….and…as I was walking away…. I heard him say, 'Damn…he looks just like Reggie. If didn't know that he was already dead, I'd say it was him….'" Sirius sighed.

"I did my best to keep him away from it all, but….he still got in too deep."

"Sirius…. Dude, I'm so sorry…." James muttered hardly believing it.

"I am too, but…it's… it's not like we were ever really that close. He just went off on one road and I went the opposite direction. Nothing we can do about it now. There were a few times…when I thought he'd listen to me… when I thought he'd actually wise up and stay away. Now look where it's got him."

"When did it happen?" James asked, wondering how they couldn't have known about this.

"Last year." Sirius muttered, head in his hands.

He wasn't exactly distraught or anything over the matter… but it scared him slightly. Regulus was the only one of his family who treated him like he was family; like they actually were related. This was one of the only things from Sirius's childhood that he was even remotely sentimental about…..


	4. For once, looking mature

"Lily… we can't take him with us." James was saying as he walked into the living room.

"I know, but we certainly cannot leave him here!"

Lily was bouncing Harry, trying to make him stop crying. The poor boy was sick and they hadn't been able to get him to sleep all day. They had to leave for a meeting with the Order. Knowing that he'd be crying the entire time, they knew he couldn't come, but who was there to watch him?

"Maybe I should just stay home…."

"Lily, no… you have the best insight of anyone there. You're role actually matters."

"I guess…. Lord, I wish Remus was available…" Lily sighed. He, of course, was not at all available. It was the middle of the month. The moon would be full.

"Yeah… remind me when the meeting's over to go and check up on him."

"First we have to figure out what we're going to do about Harry…"

Just then, Sirius knocked then quickly walked into the house.

"Hey guys, time to go." Then he noticed Harry crying, "Oh no…. what's got the little guy down?"

"He's not feeling too well." James said, smirking as Sirius lifted Harry into his arms.

"Hey, buddy… it's ok man…." Sirius was saying and James looked at Lily and raised an eyebrow.

"No." She said.

"Oh come on Lils-!"

"James, I said no!"

"And since when have I listened to that word?"

"What are you love-birds going on about?" Sirius asked, laughing at how comical the couple got when they were arguing.

"We need someone to watch Harry while we're at the meeting."

"Oh…Well, I could do it."

"No." Lily said simply.

"I don't have to go honestly. You know how last time, Molly got pissed at me… she probably isn't too anxious to see me again…." He chuckled slightly at the memory of Molly getting all read in the face because of Sirius saying something completely out of line.

"No. I don't think so."

"Gee thanks, Lily." Sirius said, lowering his bottom lip, frowning.

"No, I only meant-!"

"Lily, you've made him sad, how can you live with yourself now?"

"Guys, come on… you know I only mean that-!"

"She doesn't like me!" Sirius wailed, making James laugh.

"Lily…. You've gone and made a grown man cry…. You've got to let him watch Harry."

"James! This is our son we're talking about!" Lily stamped her foot.

Sirius looked at her then, "Look, Lily, as flattered as I am by your confidence in me…. Honestly… you can trust me."

Lily took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"Alright." She said silently, "alright… you can watch him, but no funny business, Sirius!"

"I wouldn't even dream of such a thing!"

"Seriously, though…. Padfoot, this is my kid, I am prepared to kill you if you do anything bad."

"Prongs… I'm a good dog. I promise, I won't do anything 'bad'. I'm not an idiot you know."

"I have evidence that could beg to differ on that note, Sirius."

"Yeah whatever… Lily, don't worry, I've got everything under control." Just as he said this, Harry wailed louder.

"Oh dear…." Lily sighed, looking at her baby, "Are you sure we should go, James? I don't want to leave him…."

"Lily, it'll be fine. Come on, we're already late."

"Fine…. Ok, ok I'm coming." Lily gave Harry a quick kiss and then left, throwing Sirius one last stern glance.

They closed the door behind them and headed off.

"But Alaster got him, didn't he? How can they catch him again?" James was saying as they discussed the recent deatheater captures.

"Well, he was on trial, but they let him go, now we've got him again and don't worry he's definitely going to Azkaban this time." Frank Longbottom explained motioning toward the paper's he held which documented what had happened.

"What exactly did he do this time?" Lily said, leaning forward in her chair. She was doing her best to stay focused. Her mind was still on Harry. She was a mother; how could she help herself?

"Well, there was another murder, a muggleborn. Her name was Sara Massafitz. She didn't really have an important alias, so, I think it was just for the fact of her being muggleborn."

"That doesn't make it okay…." James muttered, his hands gripped into fists.

"I know, James. I only meant that she wasn't exactly an important person-."

"Who are you to say that? Did she have family? I bet she was pretty damn important to them."

"James…. Sweetheart, calm down." Lily muttered, taking his hand.

"I meant important, as in linked to the ministry, James. Don't start thinking that I don't care who lives or dies…."

"Then stop acting like it!" James spat at him.

It was true, James could be a real ass sometimes, but when it came down to it, he wasn't an awful person. He hated people who thought they could push people around for being born and raised differently. A bit hypocritical of him…. Considering all the people he picked on, but they were mostly the kind who picked on others or believed in the dark arts. So, he felt his cruelty towards said people was justified.

This particular death scared him. Any muggleborn death scared him, to be honest. He always thought of it as Lily. Just because she was born into a different family… she could be taken from him so easily….

His grip around her hand tightly slightly.

"See, that wasn't so terrible." James was saying as they walked towards the front door.

"Don't say anything about it yet, Potter. We haven't gotten inside the door yet." Lily said, anxious to see what was left of her child.

They walked into the living room and Lily caught her breath at the sight.

Sirius was sitting on the couch and harry was clinging to him, fast asleep. Sirius put a finger to his lips as they walked in. Lily couldn't believe it; the house wasn't a mess, Sirius wasn't drunk, and Harry had actually fallen asleep. Everything had actually gone fine.

"Can I say something now?" James whispered in her ear, hugging her from behind and kissing her cheek.

"If it's 'I told you so' then no…." she muttered, smiling though.

Sirius stood and walked over to them. Harry stirred slightly as he was transferred into his mother's arms. He was obviously comfortable in his godfather's grip.

"Ok… what's the catch Padfoot, what did you do?"

"Nothing, just hung out with the little guy. Didn't take long before he was out, must have been exhausted…."

"No… seriously… what did you do to my son?" James laughed.

"Great… that's just great, James… Glad to know that you can trust me."

"Ah, man…. Of course I can't…. I _know_ you!"

"True… but still…."

"Sirius, thank you. I'm sorry I doubted you." Lily said, smiling sweetly at him.

"Not a problem." Sirius smiled back, for once looking mature.

James checked his watch, "Alright, Padfoot, time to go."

"What?"

"Mooning time."

"Oh shit that's right…. And never use that phrase again, Prongs… it implies something else…."

James threw his head back and laughed as the two men walked from the house.

Lily Potter just shook her head at them. She walked upstairs to put her baby to bed….


	5. Mooning time

(sorry there's not a whole lot of description with the actual lupinwolf, but here it is. Sorry it took so long too.)

"I still don't see why you're doing this…. We're not even there yet. We could get there so much faster if you'd be yourself…." James said as a shaggy black dog walked beside him.

The dog shook its head, and looked at James as if he had a very good reason.

James looked up and saw this reason; a flock of pretty girls. They spotted a puppy. Soon there were swoons of:

"Oh my goodness, just look at him!"

"Isn't he just gorgeous?"

"Look at his tail, he's so adorable!"

James rolled his eyes, not wanting to play this game again, but Sirius nudged him with his head and pointed his head in the girls' direction. James sighed and put on a smile as the girls walked over.

"You're dog is just so cute." One of the girls said, and she knelt down to pet him.

James smirked at Sirius, who didn't notice the gleam James had just gotten in his eyes…

"Yeah… except… he ain't my dog."

"What do you mean?"

"I found him by my house, and he bit my kid so now I've got to take them to the pound where they can neuter him and kill him if need be."

As soon as he said bite, the girls backed away.

"Yeah… I think he has rabies or something…."

Sirius growled at James, but the girls took it to mean he was growling at them and they quickly walked away.

James threw his head back and howled with laughter. When the coast was clear, Sirius changed back into himself and joined him.

"What the hell, man? You ruined it! And you ever take me to get neutered and I _will_ bite you and give you rabies…."

"You mean if they can find anything to neuter…." James said still chuckling.

"You're a sick man." Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're just jealous because I can pull that stunt off. Can you imagine what kind of reaction we'd get if it were a grown man walking his pet _deer_? It wouldn't be near as cool!"

"On the contrary… girls like deer; they think they're cute… also… I'm a married man Sirius… I'm not going to pull as stunt like that." He shook his head laughing at Sirius.

"Oh whatever…."

They continued walking. Neither was entirely sure as to where they were supposed to meet Remus. Oh, they knew the area they had agreed upon, but where exactly do you even begin to look for a werewolf roaming about?

There was a forest behind the graveyard in Godric's Hollow. As they got closer Sirius became anxious. It had been a while since they had gone on one of these night adventures. To be honest, he was excited. They both walked into the thicket as though it were simply a walk in the woods. Once they were fully consumed by the darkness, Sirius stopped and looked around.

"Wonder where the bugger is…." He muttered.

Soon after he voiced this, there was an ear piercing howl coming from their left. James and Sirius exchanged knowing looks.

"I think we just found him." James said with a smirk.

Sirius grinned widely and said, rather childishly, "Oh my god, I'm so gonna beat you there!"

Suddenly there was a large black dog bounding off in the direction of the noise. James rolled his eyes, and the stag raced after him.

James lost track of where Sirius was after a while, and was chasing Remus. Soon, however, he lost track of him as well. He there and listened for any sign of either of them.

A harsh yelp cut through the cold air like a knife. It could have been a dog or a wolf. It didn't matter; he knew he needed to find out where they both were. So, he took off.

James noticed the sun was peeking just slightly over the horizon. He knew that he'd have to find Remus soon regardless to him being in werewolf form or not. He heard silent whimpering from a short distance away. He pushed his way through the leaves. Remus was leaning against a tree to steady himself. He'd just transformed back into himself. He shook and stumbled, James rushed forward, changing from the stag as he went, and caught him.

"Hey, it's okay, man, I got you." He gently put him against the tree again. "Where's Padfoot?" James asked, suddenly realizing he'd expected for Sirius to be there as well, but he wasn't. That was strange… Sirius was almost always right on top of Remus the whole time; he was the fastest.

"I…I-I don't know…. I think I-I did something bad t-though, James…..I'm fine… but go find him." Remus didn't look so sure of himself, and James really didn't like that.

"You sure?"

"Yes. Go, I'm fine."

James didn't have to look far. Sirius was close enough; he only had to walk about a quarter of a mile away from where he'd found Remus.

He didn't like what he saw…

Sirius was on the ground obviously unconscious. He was bleeding from the head. As James got a closer look, he was relieved to see it wasn't that bad. He slapped him lightly, trying to wake him up.

"Hey, Padfoot…. Wakey wakey…."

"Oh wow…. What happened?" Sirius blinked and shook his head, then sat up.

"Well, I was hoping you could tell me."

"And why the hell would I know that?" Sirius smirked and James helped him up. They walked back to where Remus was now sitting, barely conscious.

"Hey, big guy." Sirius said kneeling next to him, making sure he was alright. As much as Sirius loved the thrill of running around on a full moon, it killed him to see Remus like this afterword.

Remus opened his eyes, looking completely exhausted. He eyed Sirius and saw the crimson drip down his face.

"What did I do?" He muttered hoarsely.

"Nothing. James hit me with a rock." Sirius lied.

"Really?"

"No. But I'm about to…" James said quietly.

"Did I do it?" Remus asked again. Though it was obvious that he was tired, and barely coherent, he was also determined to know what had happened.

Neither answered him, but that was all the answer he needed. He put his head in his hands and sighed. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah… I've had worse."

"Don't worry, Moony. We'll be more careful next time…."

"Maybe there shouldn't be a next time…." Remus murmured.

"What?"

"Oh here we go again…."

Sirius and James had heard Remus give the speech they knew was coming at least a million time before. Now it was a million and one….

"I mean it…. James, what if it was you? What if something bad happened to you? You're a father, you can't afford to do stuff like this anymore!"

"Well it wasn't me, it was Padfoot."

"Exactly." Sirius piped up. "Look, it was my fault. I got in front of you. You are kind of a werewolf, I was stupid to get in your way like that, okay? You did nothing wrong, it was my fault."

"Exactly. And I'm not as stupid as Sirius, so we have no problem with me getting hurt here!" James smiled triumphantly, feeling they would surely have Remus convinced by now.

"Uh… Prongs? You missed the part where you're supposed to say, _'no offense, Padfoot.'_ You know?"

James just shook his head and rolled his eyes. However, Remus looked anything but comforted.

"Look, we are not having this conversation right now. We're getting you home, alright?" James said, seeing Remus nodding off again.

James and Sirius held him up as they walked in the early morning light.

"We need to think of an easier to get him home." Sirius said after several minutes.

"It would be easier if you had your bike…." James said, sounding almost as annoyed.

"And risk getting it all scratched up? Hell no!"

"Shut up; you'll wake him!" James said, thought he was laughing a bit too loudly himself.


	6. Maybe he's right

"Sirius, you're bleeding all over the place…." James muttered as he set Remus down gently on the couch.

"Ah damn…" Sirius's hand went straight to his head trying to stop the bleeding, though it didn't do much good.

Sirius went to the bathroom sink and grabbed a towel. He tried his best to stifle his head. It wasn't horrible, but it wouldn't stop.

"Hey, James?" Sirius said from the bathroom.

"Yeah?"

"You wouldn't happen to know one of those stitching spells your wife is so good at, would you?"

James came down the hall. "I could give it a try. I mean your face can't get any uglier as it is…." For this comment he received a towel to the face.

"Oh come on Siri!" James laughed.

"No. I change my mind. I don't want your help." He closed the door, chuckling despite his efforts to pretend to be hurt but James's words. Sirius held the door closed as James tried to pry it open.

"Okay, Padfoot, come on. I won't disfigure your face… I promise…"

"You can't promise that…"

"If I do… we'll get Lils to fix it."

Finally Sirius sighed and let James focus his wand on the spot where his head was bleeding. Sirius wanted to laugh out loud at how stupid James looked when he was concentrating…. No wonder he didn't do it often.

"Epsikey." James muttered. The tip of James's wand glowed blue. There was a snapping sound and Sirius swore loudly. Apparently, James had not succeeded. He seemed to have made it worse.

"Oh shit, I think that one was for broken bones!" James said.

"No shit!" Sirius said loudly, clearly angry. His hand was at his head again. James handed him the towel he had been using before. Sirius was cursing now under his breath. That obviously hadn't felt very good.

"Okay…. Er… Uh… Just keep the towel there. I'm going to go check on Remus and then we'll go back to the house and Lily can fix you up."

"Yeah, and how exactly do you plan on telling your wife what happened?"

"I'll make something up…." James said dismissing it was a wave of his hand and left Sirius in the bathroom to try and clean up.

Remus was still out on the couch, fortunately. James had been afraid that their arguing down the hall would have woken him. James felt horrible for Remus; he always did after the night runs. So many times, he and Sirius had discussed trying to hunt down the monster that did this to Remus… but both of them knew that it was virtually impossible and incredibly stupid. It was one thing to joke around and work to control a werewolf, but hunting one down and killing… well that was a different story. Especially considering that that particular werewolf was just short of a heartless, ruthless killer.

James sighed, knowing they'd be back later to check up on him.

"Come on, Black. Let's get you fixed up." James said and opened the door for him.

Sirius looked like he had a sarcastic pun to go with that, but he held his tongue; possibly because his head too badly to do so, or possibly because he knew getting James angry was not going to help his odds.

* * *

Sirius and James walked through the front entrance. Sirius went straight down the hall to the kitchen while James called up the stairs softly, "Lily?"

When he got no reply, he went after Sirius into the kitchen to see what he was doing. He was trying to unstopper a bottle that had been on top of the cabinet for the sole purpose of being out of his reach; fire whiskey.

"Sirius, come on- it's six in the morning." James laughed taking the bottle from him.

"Actually, only about five thirty…." Sirius said looking at his watch.

James laughed a little harder and looked at the bottle; he bit his lip then whispered to Sirius, "Maybe later…."

"All this being responsible shit isn't working for you, Prongs…." Sirius muttered, replacing the bottle and putting the towel back to his head.

James just shook his head and went upstairs to wake Lily. As he went up, though, he called back down to Sirius, "Do_ not_ burn down my house, Padfoot; I'll only be a minute."

He left Sirius to laugh at this and continued up the stairs.

When he entered the bedroom he forgot why he had come up; Lily was sleeping peacefully. Her eyebrows quivered slightly, as if she was dreaming. James just watched her for a moment then went and knelt by her side of the bed, on the floor. He lightly kissed her forehead and pushed her hair from her face. Her eyelids fluttered and she looked at him. She smiled at him sleepily.

"Good morning, my love…." He said kissing her again.

"What are you doing home?" She said blearily, trying to wake herself up.

"Erm… there was a bit of an accident-."

"What? Who's hurt? Are you alright? Where's Sirius? Is it Remus? What hap-?"

James put a finger to her lips and shushed her.

"It's nothing Lils, Sirius was an idiot. No surprises there…." His joking seemed to settle her nerves a bit.

"Is he alright?" She asked, pushing herself into seating position and looking around for her robe.

"Yeah… we just need your help to stitch him up…. I may have…. Possibly… messed up and… erm… made it worse…."

"Again… not surprises there…" Lily muttered, smirking at him. She was now looking around for her wand, which she found on the dresser. She turned to her husband as they walked from the room, "Go check on Harry, would you? Just for a moment; He didn't wake up all night. I want to be sure he's alright."

"I'm sure he's just fine…" James muttered, but he still went down the hall to his son's room while she walked lightly down the steps.

Harry was sleeping soundly in his crib in the half light of the chilly morning. James leaned over the crib to watch him. He wanted to pick him up and hold him, but he was just so peaceful in his dreamless sleep that James didn't want to disturb him.

So he just watched him, with a smile upon his face and love in his eyes.

Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by voices from downstairs:

"Ouch! Shit, Lils; that hurts!"

"Oh, stop complaining! My child whines less than you do!"

James chuckled and left Harry to stretch and yawn and continue to sleep.

"What's going on down here?" James smirked, seeing Sirius sitting in a kitchen chair and Lily holding a small needle.

"Nothing, just your wife's trying to kill me is all!" Sirius said glaring at Lily as he did so.

"Oh stop it; you're such a child, Sirius…." Lily said, but James saw her holding back a laugh.

"Would you do that to your own child?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"Okay, anyone want to clear this up for me?" James asked, confused as to what they were talking about.

"The damage you did is pretty deep… I didn't want to risk doing it by magic- just for the sake that Padfoot can't sit still long enough to let me do so…" She glared at Sirius, "Anyway, so I'm just stitching it up… It's a muggle method…"

"Oh…" James nodded.

"What do you mean, 'Oh'? She's trying to stick that thing in me!" Sirius was being comical now, but still obviously not secure with the idea of her stitching him up manually.

"Fine, Padfoot. I'll do it." James moved towards Lily and put his hand out for the needle. This had done the trick, Sirius sat up straight and still and said, "No… no Lily, you do it…."

"That's better…." Lily smiled and went to work.

* * *

A couple hours later, James was sitting in the kitchen, reading while Lily did the dishes from breakfast. The radio was on and a song started to play. James looked up at her, recognizing their wedding song. She seemed to have noticed, and she smiled, but kept her eyes on the dishes in front of her.

James stood and crossed the room to where she stood. He stroked her thick hair which curtained her face. He put his arms around her from behind and started to sing along lightly with the words. Lily stopped with the dishes and leaned into him, letting him kiss her neck and cheek. He turned her around and she rested her head on his shoulder. James swayed with the music and they danced.

"The long and winding road… that leads to your door…." James continued to sing in her ear. He kissed her ear and she suppressed a giggle.

"So, how was the run last night?" She asked softly as they continued to sway in time.

"Um… same as always…." He lied quickly.

"Potter, you'd better tell me the truth." She teased, covering up her concern.

"Nothing too special, really; Sirius was an idiot and got himself banged up, but it's no big deal…. Remus flipped though." James smirked slightly, "He kept saying that we shouldn't do this anymore. That it's too dangerous, and that now I'm a father and I can't be doing stuff like this anymore…. Lily?"

She had stopped dancing and looking up at him with frightened eyes.

"Maybe he's right, James…."

"What?" he smiled. Surely she was joking.

"Maybe… maybe you shouldn't go out with the marauders anymore…."

"Well… it was only us three, Peter wasn't there…."

"Well… he had the right idea I guess."

James stopped dancing too.

"Lily… what do you mean?"

"I only mean that I'm scared. I get scared every time you go out with Sirius and Remus like that! It scares me to think that something could happen to you- any of you!"

"So, what am I supposed to do? Leave Remus to deal with this shit himself? Well, I'm not doing that! He's too good a guy to have to go through this alone!" James raised his voice over the song. He couldn't believe she was even considering it as a possibility.

"James, please be reasonable! You know I would never want anything bad for Remus, you know I care about him! This has nothing to do with that!"

"Than what is it! Tell me, I'd really like to know!" James said angrily.

"I just think that it's time for the boys to grow up….Just think about your son, James. Think about me."

"Don't you think I already do? Every single moment I'm thinking about you and Harry. I'm scared that he's growing up in the world we live in! But I'm going to teach him that it doesn't have to be all bad! I'm scared to death that I might come home and… and… you…" James couldn't bring himself to finish.

"James…" Lily said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder, but he pulled away, not meeting her eyes.

"I'll be back later…" He said, walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" She asked softly.

James paused with his hand on the knob. "I don't know…. I'll only be a little while. I promise."

"Wait! James!" Lily rushed down the hall and grabbed his hand as he was halfway out the door. She leaned in and kissed him.

"I love you." She said.

James's eyes were red and he wouldn't meet her gaze. Evidently, he had been pondering on the subject they had just discussed for a while and he was genuinely scared. He couldn't help but think that maybe Remus was right. James pushed the thought from his mind. He nodded and said, "Me too..."


	7. It's over now

((Sorry it's short, guys. I haven't had much time, but I have some better ideas for the next chapter, so it should be a lot longer lol ;) ))

It was a little loud, so James didn't hear him come in and sit next to him on a bar stool. Neither of them spoke for a minute until Sirius turned to James and broke the silence.

"Where were you? I mean, I was back at Remus's and you never showed…."

"I'm sorry… I forgot…." James muttered and sipped at his drink.

"What happened?" Sirius said, starting to feel genuinely concerned now.

"Lily-."

"Oh my god, did she kick you out?"

"No….I left after-."

"Damn, you didn't leave her did you? I'd have to kill you-!"

"Sirius! For the love of God, shut up!" James said, raising his voice, but not his eyes. He wouldn't look Sirius in the face.

"She wants us to…to stop going around with Moony every month…. She thinks we ought to 'grow up'…." He said the last bit sarcastically.

"What?" Sirius gave the same reaction that James had originally; disbelief. "Did she realize she was talking about us? Lord knows, growing up just isn't our thing!" He joked.

James did not laugh. He didn't even smile. He just took another drink and Sirius gaped at him.

"What, you're serious? Well… what did you say? You said 'no' right?" Sirius just stared at James, waiting for a response, hoping that he hadn't taken Lily seriously. It seemed however, from his expression, that he had indeed taken her very seriously.

James finally sighed. "I told her that I wasn't going to leave Remus to deal with that alone…."

"Great-!"

"But, Sirius…. I'm kind of siding with her…."

"How much have you had to drink?"

"Sirius… come on, listen to me. She has a point! I-I can't risk doing anything that would hurt them- they're my family… But I mean… you guys are my family too…. Still… I can't let them get hurt in the process of all of this just because it's something I want to do."

"But we're careful! That was just an accident! It wasn't even that bad; I'm perfectly fine. And you said it yourself; you would never be that stupid!"

"Try tellin' that to her…." James muttered, bitterly.

This was followed by silence in which neither man looked at the other, but stared straight ahead. Sirius shook his head after a minute.

"Well, what are we going to do?"

"Hell if I know…" James shrugged and shook his head.

Sirius shook his too, finding it equally difficult to sort this out. Was there a safe solution? It seemed not, but that wouldn't stop them from trying. Besides, what's life without a little risk?

Sirius stood to leave, but put a hand on James's shoulder. "You need a lift home, or are you good?"

"I'm fine… I walked here… thanks, though."

"Just don't drink and apparate…."

"What? Who says that? That sounds like a stupid phrase mothers tell their kids."

"I don't know… but it just doesn't sound like a good idea…." Sirius winced, trying to picture it.

James laughed and watched Sirius leave. He sat only for a moment more, knowing what he had to do. Still, he was trying to put it off for as long as possible. This was not a conversation that he wanted to have. He paid for his drink and started out of the pub.

He probably could have apparated, but he needed more time to mull over this conversation. It was a scary thought; that it would all be over.

He arrived at Remus's door, far faster than he had wanted. Still… he knew what needed to be done. He knocked three times- half hoping that Remus would be sleeping, and wouldn't answer. But, alas, the door opened.

"Hey." Remus said, letting him in. Then seeing, James's sullen expression, said, "What's wrong?"

"We need to talk." James began to pace. Remus watched him with interest and went to sit across from him on the couch. James couldn't sit; not with all this on his mind. No, he needed to be standing for this.

"About?" Remus prompted him. He thought he knew what was coming, and he was ready for, even relieved.

"Lily… well Lily and I were talking- argueing, really- about … about your little fury problem…." James said quickly.

Remus rolled his eyes and motioned for James to please continue.

"Anyway, she and I… well she… said that she thought maybe you were right when you said we shouldn't do this anymore- But I told her that the answer was no. I told her that- that I wasn't going to leave you to do this alone… but-!" James stopped, running a nervous hand through his already untidy hair.

"But I think she's right…. Don't get me wrong- I'm not scared or anything… well I am… but for them; her and Harry. Maybe we do need to grow up. I just- I feel horrible about the whole thing! Because you don't get a choice! You don't get to say no! You don't get to say that you don't want to do it anymore and-!"

"JAMES!" Remus said loudly, trying to make him shut up. It worked; James looked at him, shocked to see him smiling. He stood and crossed the room, putting a hand on James's shoulder.

"James… look, you're right, I don't get a choice. I'm not happy about it, but I'll live with it. Okay? The thing is, you _do_ get the choice, and honestly, I'd want you to choose 'no'. For once in your life, make the _right_ choice over what would be more fun. It would actually be less of a stress on me if we did stop."

Both men stopped talking. James nodded, but sadly so. Remus was still smiling. Finally, James was showing some sign of growing up. He walked into the kitchen and James followed, sitting at the table.

"So… this is it, Moony? The end of the Marauders?"

"I believe so, Prongs." Remus said, sitting across from him with a glass of water.

"Great… now all we have to do is tell Wormtail…."

"And Padfoot…."

Remus and James looked at each other at the mention of Sirius, panic in their faces.

They both had the same thought…"Oh, Shit."


	8. It's always Sirius's fault

"_Are you going to tell us or not?" Sirius said, lounging in a chair in the Gryffindor common room. Remus looked very uncomfortable about it._

"_I think you guys already know…." He finally said, looking pale._

"_Yeah…. So? Do you think we think less of you for it? Come on, man, just admit it to us… and we'll figure something out. Are you, or are you not... a werewolf?" James said leaning forward in his seat on the couch anxiously._

_Remus winced at the word. It was completely silent for a moment or two, then Remus slowly nodded, his eyes shut tight, embarrassed. _

"_Wow." Peter said, shrinking away from Remus a bit. Sirius leaned over and smacked him upside the head._

"_Cool." Sirius said, not showing any real sign of taking about such a serious matter. You would have thought they were discussing their next History of Magic final. _

"_What do you mean 'cool.'?" Remus said loudly. "This isn't cool! I'm a danger to everyone here! I shouldn't even be here. I've put you guys in danger just by telling you!"_

"_Well, actually, we figured it out on our own…." James muttered, smirking._

"_Yeah, it wasn't really hard, man…. Seriously, you need to think of a better excuse then, 'I get ill…once every month… on a full moon….' It's not like we're going to guess that you're a vampire or whatever." Sirius said making James laugh. _

_Remus did not laugh. "Sure… it's funny for you guys…. You don't have to live with this. You don't have to be a freak. You don't have to have to lie to everyone you know just so they won't recoil at the mere thought of being near you."_

"_Hey." James said, making Remus look up. "No… you're right. We don't, but that doesn't mean we're alright with you having to go through it alone. Maybe…. Maybe we could do something…."_

"_What do you mean?" Remus looking timid, but anxious to hear what they had to say. _

"_Maybe…" Sirius began, a smirk upon his lips, "We could join you…."_

"_NO! Absolutely not! I'm not going to bite-!" Remus stood, enraged._

"_Calm down, Remus!" Sirius said, almost laughing at his anger. "We're not that stupid… that's not what I was saying. I've been thinking about it since James an dI had the hunch that you had a… what did you call it James?"_

"_Furry little problem."_

"_Yes, that. Well, ever since we had the idea… I was starting to think of what we could do to make it easier…." Sirius stood and walked in front of the fireplace now animated with his idea. He seemed to be more excited than necessary. He turned to face the three of them._

"_Do you guys remember what we were talking about in History of Magic the other day?" he asked them and James laughed._

"_Do you remember it?" he said disbelieving. "I swear I wasn't sure we'd be able to wake you up- you're face was practically glued to the desk!"_

"_Anyway…." Sirius said looking annoyed. "I did hear Binns talking about these wizards… he briefly mentioned that they could change into animals or something…. I forget what he called them…."_

"_Animagi." Remus said automatically. _

"_Thank you. Yes, them. Maybe we could figure out what they did… and we could… I don't know…. We could help you."_

"_YES!" James jumped up and stood by Sirius, both were now facing Remus. "We'll be protected that way! And we'll just keep you in line so you don't have to worry about hurting anyone! It's perfect! Sirius, I'm impressed!"_

"_Always the tone of surprise…." Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes._

_Remus seemed to be considering it. It took a minute, but he slowly nodded and looked at the two boys standing before him, looking confident and excited. _

"_Alright… how do we do this?"_

"_You just leave that to us, Moony…."_

"James, what about this one?" Lily said, snapping James out of his brief flashback. He didn't answer at first. He was mulling over the scene he'd just remembered. It was so vivid; he would have thought it happened just yesterday.

It had been a few weeks since James and Remus had told Sirius and Peter about their decision to discontinue the Marauders. Peter had been a bit sad about, but not terribly so. Sirius… well for lack of a better term, he'd been pissed. Neither Remus, nor James, had heard from him since he stormed off. True it was childish for Sirius to get so angry… but James understood. Now… it was just concern for where he was that bothered him and Remus.

Lily felt horribly for James feeling so down lately, but she had insisted that he come with her to go shopping. It was just for groceries and some new clothes for Harry; he'd been getting pretty big. Right now, she held up a blue stripped pair of footy pajamas.

James, who was holding Harry, propped the child up in his arms and looked over the outfit.

"I don't think it'll fit me…. But Harry might like it. What do you think buddy?" James smirked at his son.

Harry yawned and stretched, then put his tiny arms around his father's neck, sleepily.

Lily smiled and added the pajamas to the basket she was holding.

They paid for their items and left the store. It was warm outside as August started to take its toll and the sun beat down on the London streets. The small family of three continued walking through the crowd until Lily squealed and peered into a shop window.

"Oh lord…." James muttered to himself as he followed her to see what had caught her eye. It was a small little store crammed in between two larger buildings that looked like apartments. In the windows, just visible in small white crates were puppies. Without asking if James wanted to come in, Lily rushed inside.

"Oh James, I'm sorry, but they're just so cute!" Lily said as she scooped one up and cuddled it. James rolled his eyes, but he couldn't deny that she was adorable when she got this excited about something.

"Can we get one, honey? Please!" she said, making a pouty face.

"Yes, that's a brilliant idea…." He said sarcastically. "Lily, Sirius would murder me if we got a dog."

She nodded in agreement and replaced the whimpering puppy. She glanced over at the other crates in the shop, and saw kittens. Yet again, Lily squealed. She ran over and picked up a black one with yellow eyes.

"Seriously, Lils, do you honestly think that he'll be okay with a cat? He's a dog for lord's sake!"

"It's not his cat though…." Lily said, stroking it gently. James sighed, knowing there wasn't really a way out of this for him.

"Fine," he said, "but I get to pick it." He handed Harry to her after she put the kitten back down and he walked over to the crate to look at them. There were several that were just sleeping, cuddled next to each other to keep warm. Some were mewing and reaching up for someone to hold them. Then there were three that were wrestling with each other. One particular cat caught his attention.

It was orange and it had piercing green eyes. It looked just like Lily….

Then the cat started to chase its tail, as though it thought it was dog. James laughed out loud and scooped the cat into his arms, where it pawed at his face, making his glasses askew. Oh yes…. This cat would do just fine.

* * *

"James! Remus is at the door!" Lily called down the hall as she let Remus in. James walked into the entrance to meet Remus there. He was carrying the little orange cat, or at least it was crawling all over him. It simply couldn't sit still.

"Hey, Moony. Um… we got a cat" He said pointing to the fur ball now trying to settle itself on his head. However, Remus didn't look interested. In fact, he looked pale and scared.

"What's wrong?" James demanded.

"James…. It's…. It's Sirius. I found out where he is…."

"Well, where? Is he alright?"

Remus solemnly shook his head. "James he's at St. Mungo's…. It isn't looking good."

Fear hit James like a punch in his stomach. His throat burned like he'd just swallowed fire whiskey. He pulled the cat off and placed it on the floor where it dashed off to the living room.

"Lily!" James shouted.

"What? What's wrong?"

"We have to go to Mungo's. It's Sirius. Something's happened. I don't know when we'll be back. You can come up later, I don't care, but we're going now. Remus, do you have the car with you?"

"Yes."

"Good, we'll take that then." James said all of this very quickly and grabbed his wand from the table by the front door. Lily looked stricken, but simply nodded. He knew she was terrified too. She'd probably meet them there as quickly as she could.

Remus explained what happened on the drive there. It was an accident. Sirius had been driving the bike a bit too fast. They hadn't been able to question him as to what really happened; Sirius hadn't come around yet. It happened late the night before. The doctors weren't sure but they had suspicions that alcohol was involved… and James had no doubt that that was the case.

He was silent the entire ride, only nodding every now and then at what Remus said. When they arrived at the hidden entrance of St. Mungo's, Remus looked over at James.

"I'm warning you… it doesn't look pretty. He's in bad shape."

James just nodded and they both rushed inside.

* * *

Remus had been right. As they walked into the room they'd been directed to by a healer at the front desk, it was hard to tell if they were really in the right room. Sirius was almost unrecognizable. But James knew it was him. He took a deep breath as he and Remus took seats on either side of the bed. James still said nothing; he wouldn't look at Sirius or make eye contact with Remus.

They were there for about three hours before Lily showed up carrying Harry. Her face glazed with worried tears as she saw Sirius laying there.

"Why'd you bring him?" James asked, not sure he wanted his son to see this, though he knew the boy probably wouldn't register any of what he saw.

"I couldn't find someone to watch him, a-and I didn't want to wait any longer to come up." She bit her lip to prevent herself crying.

"Where's Peter?" She asked after a minute.

"He said he'd come as soon as he could… but he had something to take care of first." Remus muttered staring at his hands.

"What could be more important-?"

"I don't know. He wouldn't say. He just said that it was important and he'd be here soon." Remus sighed and looked out the window.

All three of them jumped as a low groan came from Sirius. He opened his eyes only slightly, wincing at the bright effect the pure white room had in the lamp light.

"Would you like me to murder you now, or in five seconds?" James said coldly; he was obviously angry. Sirius looked over at him, moving only his eyes.

"Now would be nice." He muttered, smirking slightly.

"What happened?" both of them asked at the same time.

"I was kind of hoping you would remember." James said rolling his eyes.

"Can the badgering wait a bit, Prongs?" Sirius winced, closing his eyes tightly. It was obvious as he gained more conscious awareness as to where he was, the pain really set in.

"Sure…." James said, feeling guilty already. But he couldn't hold what he had to say in, "Are you really more of an idiot than I thought? You never cease to amaze me…. What the hell did you even do? You crashed your bike, Sirius. Were you drinking? If you were, Oh I swear, you are so dead."

"Whoa... is the bike ok?" Sirius asked, finally looking concerned.

"What the hell does it matter if the bloody bike it alright?" James shouted.

"James- shut up." Remus said, seeing Sirius's painful expression.

"I'm sorry, I just want to know what happened…." James said sarcastically. He stood and left the room. Lily went after him and Sirius looked over at Remus.

"Why does he always assume it's my fault that crap like this happens?" he asked.

"Because it always is…." Remus smirked at him.


	9. Growing up is a choice not a requirement

((Sorry it took me forever to post this one. Finals suck...))

He wasn't allowed to move much. He hated that.

Sirius had broken his right leg in two places, and his wrist in three. He had a severe concussion and basically everything else just hurt. He looked battered and bruised, and wasn't awake for very long periods at a time, but they stayed with him.

James and Remus were there almost twenty-four seven. Lily went home to rest a bit and take care of Harry… and the new cat.

Three days later, Sirius came around as Remus and James were playing cards.

"You are the worst poker player I think I've ever seen!" Remus joked.

"Then I guess you have never seen Peter play! Full house! Beat that!"

"Dealer takes all…" He heard Remus say.

James cursed, obviously, he had lost. "Go fish…." He said.

"Wrong game, idiot…." Sirius muttered.

Remus laughed, but James said nothing. He had been childishly refusing to talk to Sirius. It wasn't that he was that angry anymore. It was more that he made a deal with Sirius. If he told them what happened, James would speak to him. Sirius didn't believe he'd really do it, so now James was trying to prove him wrong.

"Hey, Siri…." Remus said, "How are we today?"

"Just lovely, thanks. I think I'll go deer hunting later today…."

James pursed his lips, but still said nothing about Sirius's lame joke.

"Ah, come on that was funny!" Sirius said indignantly.

"It was stupid…." Remus muttered.

"Is he honestly going to keep this up?" Sirius ignored his last comment.

"I don't know, but it sure is fun to watch him try." Remus said, clearing up the cards.

"Remus," James said, "You can tell your friend that all he has to do is tell me what happened, and I'll stop."

"Sirius, you heard him." Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"Ok…." Sirius started.

James finally looked at Sirius, hopeful that he was going to spill. He didn't care if it meant being an immature arse; James was going to do his best to get it out of Sirius. He would probably get angry, and he was ready to yell if he needed to.

"Alright, fine." Sirius pushed himself upright, wincing, so he was sitting up, facing James.

James's face was cold. Sirius could tell that he was angry, and he knew he'd only get angrier when he told him what really happened, and where he had been for the past few weeks.

"So… I went to this bar-."

"I knew it!" James stood up quickly, raising his voice, "I knew it! I knew it! I knew that you were driving drunk! You _idiot_!"

"Will you please let me finish?" Sirius interrupted. "Like I was saying, I walked into this bar and I saw this chicken…." He paused. And in that short pause, James and Sirius simply looked at each other. James looked about ready to strangle him. Sirius raised an eyebrow and suddenly both of them were laughing hysterically

"A chicken? A chicken? What the Hell, Sirius! Are you high?" James fell back into his chair, laughing.

"Actually… a little bit…." He indicated the bed side table with several vials and flasks that the nurses had been using on Sirius for the pain. "These are supposed to help dim the pain…. But they also make you feel awesome…. I'm seriously thinking about asking to get some of this stuff to go!"

James just rolled his eyes. He knew he couldn't stay made at Sirius… but he still wanted to know what had happened. James had known Sirius since their first year at Hogwarts. Just two eleven year old boys who thought they were awesome but didn't have a clue about anything that was ahead of them. Now they were two men… still completely clueless.

But in the time that James had known Sirius, he knew that he wasn't as stupid as some may have thought. He wouldn't do this without reason. He would drink, James knew, and do some stupid stuff. But James knew with just as much certainty that Sirius would not, under any circumstances, drink and drive. He wasn't that thick.

"Sirius…" James said, not angrily, but almost pleading, "Come on, man. You have to tell us."

"No, no I don't." Sirius said, trying to sound nonchalant, but it was obvious that there was more to this than he was willing to let on.

"Yes, you kind of do." Remus chimed in, nodding solemnly.

"You can't just pull a stunt like this and expect to be let off scot-free!"

"Who says? I think I could have pulled it off if I hadn't crashed…." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Oh, come on, be serious!"

"I am. Unfortunately, I am. My parents were cruel people. They couldn't have gone with something cool like Jack, or Mike, or Hercules…. No, they chose 'Sirius'."

"You know what I meant…."

Sirius just sat there for a minute, looking over Remus's head, out the window. It had started to rain. Sirius wanted anything but to talk about this. He concentrated on one single drop as it slithered and snaked down the window, making a light pathway in its place. He didn't want to mention it; Sirius knew it was stupid, what he did. But this was James. If the table was turned, James would tell him.

Sirius sighed and kept staring out the window as he plucked up the courage to tell them.

"I was a bit mad at you two… so I took the bike and I just kept going, I didn't know where I was going. I was driving to be driving, you know? Just letting off some steam. I ended up at my cousin's. You know Andy and her husband Ted?" Sirius asked them both. They nodded, anxious for him to continue.

"Well, I don't know why I went there, but before I knew it, I was in front of their door. Andy was pretty happy to see me; we always got on well. You'll never believe this, James, they've got a kid. She's cute, too. I think seven, now, or there about…. Dora, I think they called her..."

He paused before continuing. It was obvious that he wasn't sure how to word what he had to say next.

"Anyway… Andromeda told me that she was sorry for me, 'even if I wasn't close to them', she said. I had no idea what she was talking about, so I asked her and she looked surprised that I didn't know." He now faced James and Remus and said simply, "They're gone... pretty much... I'm all that's left. I mean, at the rate I was going… I thought for sure I'd be the first to go, but no. Orion went same year as Reggie. Walburga, the hag, she's still going, but she's not well. They said she's not exactly right in the head right now…. I told I'd known that for a long time…." Sirius was referring to his parents, but he refused to use the words 'Mum' or 'Dad'.

He almost laughed. Sirius grinned and shook his head.

"Well, Andy told me that she wouldn't know who I was. She can't remember much, see? And she could hardly recognize Bella and Lucius the last time they visited her. So… I don't know what made me want to do it, but I told her thanks for telling me and I left. I went straight to the old house. It felt weird, you know? It didn't feel like I was welcome, not that I ever was, really. But it felt like some stranger's house; not the place I had the displeasure to grow up in."

James nodded. He wasn't about to judge for what he knew was coming next.

"Um… so I went in. I have no idea why; it's so stupid. I can't believe I even went near that hell hole. Anyway, I walked in without knocking. I was wearing that leather jacket she just loves so much. I could imagine her face when she saw me. And I don't know you guys, but I wanted to see it. I wanted to see her face contorted with rage. I wanted to see her scream at me to get out. I want her to so I could leave gladly, knowing I had no reason to ever come back. But… when I saw her, she was in her bed. Kretcher was tending to her like a stupid little lovesick puppy. I told him to scram and he did. She looked at me, but it didn't really register with her who I was. Then… she must have thought I was Regulus, because she got really happy and started to cry. I couldn't stand it. I knew she didn't want me there, and I honestly didn't want to be there. So, I walked out of her room and walked down the stairs…. When I passed that room… James, you know the one with all the stupid pictures- the family tree?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I went in there, just to check it out. And I saw it straight away. She burned me off." Sirius started to laugh, "For a second I thought to myself, 'My god! Am I really that ugly?' but I thought that couldn't be possible, and I realized it was her doing."

There was a much longer pause this time; only it was as though Sirius was trying to remember what he did, not how to say it.

"I got that same feeling after I first left the house; like I needed to do something to make her mad. I needed to do something she wouldn't approve of. So, I went a little crazy. I was just having fun, you know? Like what you and I did on 'my first night of freedom'. I drove around a bit and just kept hitting bars. It was cool; I was just trying to get in one last leap of freedom, one last chance to be really stupid. And you guys had me pissed off so I just went off."

James rolled his eyes, but did not interrupt at this point.

"Okay, James, yes; I was drunk. I was really drunk, to be honest. I don't even remember crashing. I think it had something to do with trying to do a wheelie, though…."

"You are so stupid." James said once Sirius had finally finished. He didn't sound angry anymore, just annoyed, "You think that just because we're not kids anymore means we're never going to do anything stupid? You're living proof…, thankfully, of that."

"I'm sorry, I was just goofing off…."

"Well, next time don't try and get yourself killed."

"Oh, come on, Remus, it's not that bad-!"

"Sirius! Look at yourself. You're in the hospital, you can hardly move, and you're obviously in pain- don't lie!" Remus was the one to raise his voice this time.

"Sirius…. I never thought I'd tell you this, but you need to start acting a bit more responsible." James shook his head as though he really couldn't believe it.

"Well, I have to be honest… I never thought I'd _hear _you say that."

James and Remus exchanged looks and Remus sighed. "James, go ahead, I know what you want to say."

James looked relieved. "Oh my god, dude, I cannot believe I said that…. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay… just don't let it happen again." Sirius said, smirking.

Remus stood and rolled his eyes, heading for the door. "You guys are children." He muttered.

"I'm cool with that… James?"

"Yeah, I pretty sure that's good with me."


	10. Someone you trust

"Honestly- should be at home resting! How much of an idiot can he be to be out and about like this?"

"Thanks, Molly… good to see you too." Sirius muttered as he and James walked into the Burrow for the Order meeting.

James led him to the couch and sat down beside him and Lily on James's other side.

It had been almost two weeks since the accident and Sirius had just been let out two days ago. James and Lily had offered for him to stay with them, but Sirius refused. He had gone home to his own house. Though Lily had been strictly against him coming to the meeting, Sirius insisted, claiming that he hadn't been out in far too long. Also… he had thrown in the puppy look to win her over and let him come.

"Mr. Black… good to see you are well again."

"Always good to see you McGonagall; especially when I know, no matter what shit I do now, you can't give me detention for it."

She gave him a hard look, her lips reduced to a thin line. Sirius cowered slightly, muttering something about how he wasn't scared of her. James just laughed.

Arthur walked in a minute later and soon he and Sirius were in deep discussion of the motorcycle.

"So, how did you get it to fly?"

"It was simple, really. You see you had to use one of those charms and make it weightless. Not just the engine, like I would have thought….Unfortunately, it only works when it's in the air; nearly crushed me, didn't it James?" Sirius joked.

Quite honestly, it wasn't exactly something James wanted to remember so he just nodded turned back to Lily.

Sirius obviously was trying to make the situation a big joke, and he was mostly successful.

"I mean, come on James! We all knew it was going to happen one of these days! I just thought for sure you'd be the one to push me!"

"Oh trust me, I'd want to!" James and Sirius's laughing stopped abruptly as Albus Dumbledore walked into the cozy little room. Though they weren't school boys anymore, there was still something about their old headmaster that made them show him respect. He looked grim, but then again… so did everyone these days. James and Sirius were just about the only ones who tried to keep the mood light.

"Good evening, Albus." McGonagall said, her mouth became less thin at his presence.

"Yes, good evening, Minerva…." The old, slender man sat across from the couch, surveying the three, through his laced fingers.

"Sirius…. I'm glad to see that you are alright. I hope that whatever happened wasn't illegal…." Dumbledore gave him a knowing smile, and his eyes seemed to penetrate his mind, and Sirius had no doubt that that is indeed what they were doing.

Sirius just smiled back and said, "Well, Dumbledore, you know me… always following the rules; wouldn't dream of anything else."

At this Dumbledore had to chuckle.

After a few more minutes of chatting and catching on one everyone's part, it was time for business. Frank Longbottom pulled out his notes and they started listing off deaths and possible deatheaters. Sirius cringed slightly when they mentioned his father and Regulus, but other than that, he seemed alright. James kept an eye on him anyway. Remus and Peter, both sitting at the table, were also watching their friend anxiously.

There were several new names mentioned and everyone winced at the mention of familiar people from school and such. Then when the worst was over with, the even worse came; Dumbledore stood and faced Sirius, James and Lily again.

"I'm afraid I have rather grave news for you two." He indicated James and Lily. "If we may, I like to discuss this in private. Sirius, Remus, Peter… if the three of you would kindly join us; this concerns you as well."

No one really liked the sound of this. Mrs. Weasley led them to the first floor bedroom. Dumbledore looked James and Lily in the eye, with a sad expression on his face.

"What's going on, Dumbledore?" Sirius demanded, keeping a tone of respect, but he couldn't hide his concern. Remus helped Sirius to sit on the bed.

"Yeah… please, professor, what's wrong?" Remus's eyes were darting between James, Lily, and the old man.

Lily held Dumbledore's gaze, saying nothing, just waiting.

"You're both in danger, terrible danger." He said looking grim again.

"What? What do you mean?" Remus asked.

"Aren't we all, Albus? I mean in the times like, we're all kind of on the edge of our seats about what Voldemort is going to do next-."

"Don't, say it!" Peter squealed.

"Oh hush! It's not like it's going to bring him here just by saying it!"

Dumbledore only looked at James and Lily. "I might as well tell you what happened from the beginning." He said, indicating that they should sit. They did, by Sirius on the bed.

"About a week ago, I was looking around for a new Divination professor. Of course, you can imagine some of the witches and wizards that came to see me, claiming to be seers. It was quite entertaining."

"Dumbledore please… where is this going?" Sirius interrupted, sounding slightly irritated.

"Sorry, sir… he's been a bit… out of it since they took him of medication."

"Have not, you ass…." Sirius muttered. Dumbledore simply nodded and continued.

"Well, this one particularly peculiar woman came in- she was obviously a fake, however, as I was telling her that our meeting had ended, she had a vision; a genuine prophecy. She relayed to me that a child born in late July will come to defeat the dark lord-."

"Well, that's good isn't it?" James said anxiously.

"I thought so too- however, I discovered an intruder. Severus Snape had been listening in."

The room instantly filled with sounds of loathing from James and Sirius.

"Oh, that bastard!"

"We should have gotten rid of him when we had the chance, Prongs!"

"I'll kill him, what did he do?"

"Both of you- calm yourselves." Dumbledore said, sternly. Lily buried her head in her hands, you couldn't hear a thing, but it was obvious that she was hiding sobs. James put an arm around her, not thinking of why she was crying….

"He relayed everything to the dark lord and now I know from certain sources… that he thinks it means your son."

Lily gasped, lifting her head, her eyes wide with fear.

"Just what do you think you're playing at, Albus?" James demanded, looking livid.

"James, you must listen. Voldemort believes that the child born in late July is Harry. You both are in danger. He believes if he kills off your family he will be free of this prophecy and whatever it could mean. You have to protect yourselves."

"How?" Lily said in a petrified little voice.

"The fedilus charm. Find a secret keeper other than yourselves. He'll think that James will be secret keeper naturally, you'll want to use someone else; someone you trust."

"I'll do it." Sirius said, confidently.

"Sirius… I don't know… this is really risky…." James started, but Sirius stopped him.

"Look, James, you said I needed to be more responsible…. Well, here I am, taking this responsibility. I'm doing this. I'll protect you guys."

"Sirius! I was joking when I said that! I took it back-!"

"Sirius… you're still not well-."

"No, Lil's…. I'm fine…I'm doing this. You can trust me."

It was completely silent in the room until James sighed and said.

"Alright. Sirius…. Okay. I can't think of anyone better…."

* * *

James, Sirius, Lily, Remus, and Peter all came back to the Potter house in Godric's Hollow. Lily went straight up the stairs to Harry's room where he was being watched by their neighbor, Ms. Bagshot.

"Wow…." Sirius said as the four men sat around the table in the kitchen and James pulled down a bottle of fire whiskey. If there was any time to drink it… it would be now.

"I know…. Things are really changing now."

"Yeah…."

"This is… scary."

"Peter… you're scared of everything…"

"Am not…."

"You're shivering, Pete… come on it's still warm- why are you even wearing a jacket?"

"N-no reason."

"Come on, man, take it off. You're sweating now."

"No… no I'm fine…."

"Peter, come on… this is ridicules… and kinda gross…."

"I'll see you guy later." Peter said quickly, standing and rushing out, pulling his sleeves down tightly over his arms.

"Well… that was odd." Sirius said, reaching for another glass of whiskey, but Remus pulled it away.

"Then again… it's Peter… everything's odd with him…." James said.

"True that." Remus nodded, still keeping the drink from Sirius.


	11. Don't die on me

((sorry it took me forever guys... lots of stress going on at my end... bleh...))

Weeks passed. It was getting colder very quickly. Despite the tension of everything that was happening in the crumbling world around them, soon everyone was in a Christmas mood.

"I freaking love this time of year!" Sirius shouted one night, walking home with James. They had been out for a couple of hours and were just a little tipsy. It had started to snow and it, as Sirius so elegantly put it, 'made everything look freaking awesome as hell.'

"You only love it because it's easier to catch pretty girls off their guard when they're in a good mood!" James said, laughing at Sirius.

"Amen to that! It's so awesome! I mean in the summer, you see their legs and everything, which is equally awesome, but they get made when they catch you lookin' or whistling! In the winter, they're all covered up, so when you're looking at them, they take it as a compliment and they get all flirty because they think that when we can't see skin we're not perves!"

"You are a pervert…. And you're rambling…. This is why I am walking you home."

"No. You're walking me home because you've got no one else cool enough to hang out with…. That and you're drunk too."

"Amen to that!" James said, leaning his head back and catching some snow in his mouth like a child.

* * *

"Lils?" James said, quietly, knocking on the bedroom door.

"Well there you are. Did Sirius get home alright?" Lily was in bed reading by the time James got home. She never was able to get any sleep when he was out. She always stayed up until he got back.

"Fine, he's a little silly but he's fine. I kept him in line, I promise." He said and sat on the bed next to her.

Lily laughed a little, "It seems to me that you're a bit silly too, my love."

"No… no I'm fine." He slurred slightly and Lily rolled her eyes.

"Go to bed." She said firmly, but still smiling.

"But… I want to kiss Lily." James said getting closer to her on the bed.

"Then come here and kiss Lily… then go to bed. You need to sleep this off, we've got a busy day tomorrow."

James fell onto a pillow and groaned.

"Oh it's not going to be that bad…." Lily said throwing at pillow at him for his childish behavior. She laughed again as James made to block the pillow attack and failed as it hit him straight in the face, causing his glasses to go askew.

"Lily, in all honesty, they don't like me very much…." James said sitting up in bed next to her.

"That's just ridiculous! Of course they do!"

Tomorrow, the Potters were planning on visiting the Evans; Lily's parents. It would be the first time they got to really visit with their grandson and Lily hadn't seen them in a long time, what better time to see them than during the Christmas season?

"Really? Because… I think the last time I saw your dad, he tried to kill me…."

"He did not! That is a load of crap, and you know it, James Potter!"

"Well… if looks could kill… I'd be dead." James said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, shush! We're going tomorrow and you need to sleep."

Apparently, their discussion had been getting a little too loud; Harry started to cry in the next room. You got just make out the little boy's audible cry for, 'Mama!' Lily stood out of bed, grateful for the excuse to discontinue the argument.

James was glad for it too, feeling incredibly sleepy and fatigued from that night's adventures. He fell asleep within moments without even undressing or taking his glasses off.

* * *

All too soon, everyone was dressed, Harry was in his stroller and Lily had put the present in the car and it was time to go. James swallowed his pride and put Harry into his car seat in the back of the car they were borrowing from Remus.

"Now when they tell you how cute you are, you just burp and be a man about it, alright?" He told his son as he buckled him up. Harry just looked at him strangely and started to stare at his fingers as though perplexed that they could wiggle like that. James laughed.

"That's my boy." He said and went to the front of the car.

"James?"

"Yes, my love?"

"You might want to start the car if we're going to get anywhere."

"Right…"

Again, time went by too quickly and they were in front of the house at Spinners End. In all honesty, James didn't hate his in-laws or anything, but her parents didn't really trust him. They knew he was the type of guy who got himself into trouble and James didn't like that they judged him like that… especially since they had let her hang around Severus Snape when she was a child…. Still, they had been kinder toward him since the wedding and especially so since they heard about Lily being pregnant. James thought that becoming grandparents softened them up a little. But… there was always that slight tension before going to visit. He could just imagine the glares he would get because it had been so long since they had seen their grandson and daughter. Oh well, Lily was smiling excitedly as they pulled up the drive of her childhood home… and that was good enough for him.

James stopped the car and looked up at the house. He knew something was wrong almost immediately; the front door was wide open and it was ominously dark inside. Lily saw this too and rushed from the car.

"LILY, NO!" James tried to grab her arm, terrified that whoever or whatever was in there was still there.

He had no choice but to jump from the car and take Harry with him into the house after her.

James stepped over the threshold, holding Harry close to him. The lights above him were broken and shattered glass glittered on the carpet in the half light pouring in from the open door.

"Lil's?" James said softly in the dark. The silence pressed against his ears with a tension he hadn't been expecting. He stood completely still, waiting for any sign of movement. Suddenly, there was a scream from the living room.

"Lily!" James shouted back and raced toward the sound. He reached the end of the hall and turned the corner sharply. Soft sobbing broke the silence and James groped the walls for a light switch. He found it and found Lily on the floor, crying over a body.

"Oh god…." James's stomach lurched as he recognized Lily's father.

"No… no…. God, please NO!" Lily cried harder and held her father's icy hand.

James rushed to her side and tried to pull her away, but she didn't want to let go. But, when Harry started to cry, she came to her senses and stood. She stumbled slightly and James caught her in his open arm. She cried so hard, gripped at James's sleeve.

"Shhh…. It's okay… it's okay." Was all James could do as he own eyes burned. He looked down at the man with red hair like his daughter's; His pale eyes, wide and staring. James knew what this was. The Avada Kedavera curse had done it, and he had no doubt that his wife was somewhere in the house, dead also. He knew why too. He could practically picture the struggle; Deatheaters coming in trying to torture the location of their daughter and grandson out of them. They must have refused….

A huge wave of affection washed over him as he thought of how hard that must have been for them. Still, they didn't tell. Not that they would really be able to, but James knew even if they could have, they wouldn't have.

He held Lily tightly as she continued to cry. James knew they had to leave. He knew she wouldn't want to, but they would have to get out of the house, whoever did this wouldn't be too far.

This was getting serious. Things were changing quickly and it was getting scary. Dumbledore had been right. And now, not only were they the ones in danger, but everyone they cared about was too….

* * *

"SIRIUS!" he pounded on the front door. "Sirius, open up! It's James!"

There was the sound of rushing footsteps and the door was thrown open.

"What's wrong? What's happened? Is everyone alright?" Sirius searched James's anguished expression for any explanation. He found none, but James began ranting anyway.

"I can't let you do this! I can't let you be our secret keeper."

"Why the hell not? James, what are you playing at? I won't let anything happen to you guys!"

"I know… that's why I can't let you do it…. Sirius, they'll kill you! I know they will… They'll kill you… I can't let that happen."

"James…. What's going on? Why are you freaking out?"

"Lily's parents…. We just got back…. They're dead, Sirius. Deatheaters… they're dead and it's because they want to find us. I just know they'll go for you guys next. They'll figure out who our secret keeper is, somehow and Sirius- don't you understand? They'll murder you!"

"James…. Listen to me." Sirius put a hand on James's shoulder making him look at him. "I knew the risk when I took it. I promise… I won't let anything happen to you guys. And they can't kill me…. I'm from the noble house of Black, remember?" He smirked and his joking seemed to calm James a little.

"Are you sure? You can't die on me, Siri...alright? You can't die on me."

"I don't plan to."


	12. Options

((Guys, I am so so so so so so so so so sososososo sorry that this took so friggin' long! I promise it won't take this long every time. Lotsa crap going on... stupid school... making me do work instead of write for fanfictions... XD))

* * *

James immediately went to his parents and told them to leave the country. He said he didn't know when this would be over, but they would have to hide until then.

Of course, seeing their only son so distraught, they agreed. Once that was taken care of, James went for Remus, Sirius, and Peter. He seemed to have much less luck here.

"Okay… how about another option?" Remus said when James suggested this. "Yeah…. How about no."

"Come on, you guys… consider it." James said as he pulled another beer from the refrigerator. The four of them were having a semi- traditional poker night. Though they usually didn't play poker, it still seemed like a better name than "game night".

"Alright, I will." Sirius said, and then put a finger to his chin as if in deep thought, his expression studious. "Hmmm…. I'm going to go with a no."

"Peter?" James turned to him, hopefully.

"Sorry, mate, but it's a no for me too. We're not going to cower and hide from this." It sounded so strange coming from Peter…. They all looked at him and he shrugged. "I'm just saying what you guys usually say in these situations."

"Well, the rat's right." Sirius smirked. "Seriously, Prongs! Since when do we do the smart thing?"

"Well…."

"The answer is never, dude. And quite honestly, I don't feel like breaking a habit right now. I'm getting too old for that."

"Padfoot… you're twenty-one."

"I know! I'm getting so freaking old!" He laughed and leaned back in his chair so it was now only on two legs.

"Trust me, Sirius, your maturity compensates for it." Remus muttered, dealing out the cards again.

Sirius didn't seem to have heard him, or if he did, he didn't care. He was busy proving Remus's point by being stupid and picking on Peter.

"Dude, I swear, it's right there. No, the other side. Yeah right by your nose."

"Sirius, cut it out." Remus laughed as Peter rubbed at his face hoping to get whatever Sirius was talking about off.

"Yeah…. Yeah it's right there, Pete. You almost got it." James chimed in, looking completely serious about it. Finally Remus looked over at Peter and said, rolling his eyes, "Peter, for the love of god, there is nothing on your face. They're messing with you."

"Are you sure?" Peter looked nervous that there could still be something lingering near his nose.

"Gosh, Remus, you ruin everything…." Sirius said over dramatically.

It may have seemed like stupid, childish behavior, and it was, but it still did what Sirius had wanted it to do. It got the subject off of what James was talking about.

Sirius stood to fetch another beer from the refrigerator and handed one to each Remus, Peter, and James as he sat back down.

They proceeded to play various card games and of course there was cheating involved on Sirius and James's part. For the most part, the subject had been dropped, but it was still on everyone's mind, at least in the back.

Lily was out with a friend or two to do something fun- which had been hard for her considering the funeral had only just passed. She had left Harry here with the boys so James was up every half an hour to check on his son- even if the child wasn't crying. James would never admit it, but he was just a little bit over protective after everything that was happening…. Again, it was still on his mind.

"_Dada!" _

James jumped up, almost knocking his chair over and he was out of the room in a flash. Sirius almost laughed, but he bit down hard on his lip. Remus placed down his cards and Peter and Sirius followed in suit. None of them really bothered to see who had won that round.

"So… we know he's right." Remus muttered, rubbing his temples.

"Yeah… but what do we do about it? We can't just go into hiding- don't tell me that's what you guys want." Sirius responded with a bit of an edge to his voice. The other two just reassured him that, no, they were not by any means agreeing with James's radical decision to make everyone go into hiding.

"We're going to have to be careful. Sirius, I know that's never really a concept you were able to grasp, but you're really going to have to watch your step. There could be deatheaters at every turn. Just watch your step. You too, Peter. I know you probably don't know much of what they can be like- but Sirius and I have first have experience… they can be vile for no reason at all. They'll come for all of us. James knows it. We know it. We have to act on it. Of course, James's idea isn't going to work….any other options you guys can think of?" Remus

Sirius and Peter just shook their heads. There really was no other option but to sit back and wait for whatever was going to come… to just come and get it over with. All they could really do was be careful. That was the only option. Well, the only reasonable option….

James came back into the room and the discussion was quickly hushed up with Sirius saying loudly, looks like I won again." and taking a swig of beer.

James had Harry with him. He was supposed to be sleeping, but the little boy looked wide awake. It was obvious that he was defiant to sleep. Harry was definitely James's son.

"Give him here." Sirius said, holding his arms out. James transferred the child into Sirius's open arms.

"Heya buddy!" Harry giggled and hid his face in his godfather's shirt. Sirius removed his sunglasses from his head and placed them on Harry. Of course they were too big, but Harry didn't seem to mind.

"Oh man you are so cool." Sirius told Harry was idly messing with his hair.

"Why were you even wearing sunglasses in the middle of winter?" James laughed at his son while resuming his seat.

"Dude… when you ride a motorcycle… sunglasses are required."

"I thought that was a helmet…." Remus hinted.

"Well… those are quite helpful for not dying aren't they?" Sirius said as though he were thinking over which was more important; the sunglasses or the helmet."

"You have firsthand experience, Padfoot. Were you wearing sunglasses when you crashed? No. Did they help you? No. The helmet did." James said in a manner that suggested he was trying to teach a kindergartner this information.

"Good point… next time something like that comes up… I'll make sure I'm wearing sunglasses… screw the helmet!" Sirius said, laughing.

They finished up the night with talking about this and that, carefully avoiding the subject from earlier. Harry fell asleep in Sirius's arms soon before his mother got home. She offered to take him up to bed, but Sirius shook his head, stood and walked off to the room to do it himself.

Lily had to admit it to herself; she was impressed with how well Sirius took to being around a child. It really changed him- it made him at least a little more responsible.

"Well you know why that is, don't you?" Remus was saying as he walked to the door and Lily explained her thoughts.

"Why?"

"It's because he doesn't really care about what happens to him… once someone else is in the mix- he's careful. If it were just him, he'd probably be dead by now. But when he's got something to protect… then he gets serious."

* * *

Lily relayed this to James that night as they were getting into bed.

"Well, I'm not exactly surprised. I know Sirius well enough to know this… but that's part of what worries me, Lil's."

"What? That he's protective of who he cares about?"

"No…. That's actually comforting."

"Well what is it?" Lily propped her head up on her pillow, turning toward her husband as he sat there, his arms folded against his chest. His face showed that he was clearly deep in thought.

"It's the fact that he doesn't care about what happens to him. I know he doesn't. I've known ever since I saw him come back from summer vacation… covered in bruises. He was being treated horribly, but all he could talk about was how he was worried for his brother. He didn't mind them doing anything to him. He was used to it. He didn't care whenever he was hurt- it never mattered. Normally," James sighed, "I'd be fine with this; I'm mostly the same way- but…. But this time he could really get killed. He won't be careful. He won't think caution is important enough."

"James." Lily reached out and gently placed her hand on his, "Don't worry. I mean… we've still got Remus looking after him. We know Remus. He won't let anything happen to Sirius. He knows him as well as you do. I'm sure you're not the only one who's thought of this. We can count on Remus okay?"

"Yeah…. I know we can."


	13. Help

((I am so sorry it took so long guys, but this time it wasn't my fault! stupid fanfiction thingy wouldn't let me upload or edit anything... gosh... how rude of them...))

It wasn't too late, so he just threw his keys on the kitchen counter and walked over to the shelf on the wall to pick out the book he had been reading earlier. He planned on just picking up where he left off, but he couldn't find the dog-eared page he had marked before going over to James and Lily's. Oh great… that meant he had to flip through and find his spot. Not that he minded. Remus was always one to spend time looking back at what he'd read before just because he could.

* * *

It was a great feeling, it always had been. Sirius was wearing his helmet, but the sunglasses were also intact. The temptation to get the thing into the air was hard to suppress, but he knew better; not on a muggle road. So he let himself bask in the wind the whistled blissfully past him as he swerved through traffic, heading home.

He wasn't sure if it was quite "home" but it was all his own and he was happy with that much. He pulled into the drive and dismounted his faithful steed.

Sirius walked into the house that was now his, thanks to one of the only members of his family with any sense… Uncle Alfred had never approved of the "Pureblood ways" and so almost every sent he had when he died went to the one child that felt the same. He probably could have gotten a smaller house; he didn't need this much room. Sirius had actually been planning on helping James and Lily out and buying their first home for them. But Lily had been intent on getting something on their own. And they both seemed to like the little cottage they resided in now, so Sirius used the money to spite his parents who were sure he would come into nothing and probably have nowhere to live. Well, here he was now.

Sirius checked the time. It was only about ten thirty; far too early for bed. Still, what else was there to do? He did have work Monday… perhaps he should work on getting prepared for whatever it was he was supposed to be doing….

* * *

It took him a couple of minutes, but soon he was sitting on the couch with the lamp light giving the page a yellow hue that he had always found comforting. Remus wasn't sure how long he had been reading, but it had been a while and he found himself dosing off.

His head snapped up and his eyes wide open when he heard a familiar, but at the same time… all too strange popping sound. Remus listened, perfectly still, for a moment and waited for something else to happen. There were about three more popping sounds and Remus quickly put the book down and turned off the lamp. Two thoughts went through his mind: Did I lock the door? And… Crap… I didn't mark my spot in the book again….

Still, he knew that all he could do was stay down and stay quiet. He groped around for his wand and cursed. He couldn't seem to find it anywhere….

* * *

James was cleaning up after words before heading back off to bed... Mostly because Lily had said that when she woke up the place had better be clean. So naturally, to avoid sudden death, James went back down to the kitchen to straighten up. Good he did, too. He saw on the table along with the left over cards and drinks… a wand. He picked it up to examine it. It belonged to Remus, he could tell.

Despite the calm mood the evening had left with his friends, James didn't like the idea of Remus being without his wand with the threats that were out there.

James walked swiftly up the stairs and into the bedroom where Lily had already drifted off.

"Lily, darling?" He said, gently trying to wake her.

She looked around and saw him there and smiled.

"Is everything clean?" She yawned and smirked.

"Not quite, but it will be, I promise. Um… Remus left his wand here… so I'm going to head over and get it back to him, okay?"

"Oh…. oh of course. Yeah, be careful- you want me to come?"

"No honey, you stay here with Harry; I'll only be a bit." James kissed her softly and left the room, grabbing his own wand from the dresser.

* * *

What was he supposed to do? They would find out, surely they would find out! They always seemed to find out when he was doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing. Peter sat back on the sofa in his apartment, hardly able to sit still. He held his hands tightly, trying to stop their shaking.

It was okay. He wasn't doing anything wrong… at the moment. He had refused to go along with it this time. He didn't ask questions; the less he knew the better. They had promised not to kill the wolf. They just wanted to find out what he knew… perhaps recruit. Peter knew that Remus wouldn't be able to spill…. Right? And there was no way they could know that Sirius was the one who knew…. Right? Peter was stuck between whether he should back out now or if it was too late for that.

It was too late. Deep down he knew it was too late. And what did it matter? They had never really liked him anyway, had they? They were always picking on him… only sticking up for him on occasion. And now He-who-must-not-be-named was going to kill him if he didn't find any information. If only Peter could find a way around the protection; a way around this secret keeper thing….

But what about Remus? Were they already there? And most importantly, would they keep their word not to kill him…?

* * *

The tension in the air grew rapidly. It was all Remus could do to keep quiet. Suddenly there was a blinding flash and the front door flew back ward, off of its hinges.

Remus said a few choice words under his breath and waited for them to come in. They took their sweet time doing so, as though they didn't think this would be much of a challenge- and unless he found his wand, Remus was sure it would be no challenge for them at all.

He wasn't going to just sit there though. If he'd ever learned anything from Sirius, it was that being stupid could actually come in handy in moments like these. This meant… going against your initial instincts to protect yourself and take a risk.

So, Remus stood in the pitch black, listening to them walk in through the front hall. Their steps were confident, as though they knew they would easily over power him.

"I can't see a damn thing!" a rough voice said.

"Then light your wand, idiot." Another said further away from where Remus now stood, trying to shuffle his way to the back door.

"Oh right…. _Lumos_…."

Suddenly the room was filled with a dim blue light, illuminating Remus standing with his hand on the knob of the back door, and five cloaked men with masks; Deatheaters, just as Remus had assumed.

"Well, well, well. What 'ave we 'ere?" The tallest of them all, who was not wearing a mask… perhaps it was because his own face was intimidating enough… or perhaps because Voldemort did not allow half-breeds into his crowd- at least not officially.

"Greyback…." Remus muttered through gritted teeth.

"Oh bless him, he remembers…." Fenrir Greyback said with a mutinous snarl. He started to walk closer to Remus, but one of the masked men grabbed the scruff of his neck, much like you would to a misbehaving dog.

"Greyback, you were given specific orders…. You must wait." There was authority in that voice that Remus recognized, but he couldn't think of where from… it didn't matter now anyway. His mind was racing for a clever way out of this. Where were Sirius and James when you needed them?

* * *

James just happened to be walking down the walk of his house. He needed to get to where he could apparate. The fedilus charm prevented him from apperating straight from his living room, and he couldn't once out of the house and in plain sight of muggles. So, he was walking, looking for a spot where he wouldn't be noticed disappearing into thin air.

He was worried about Remus, he wasn't going to deny it, but he was taking his time and keeping his cool, trying not to be paranoid. It wasn't like him to freak out over something small like this, so he refused to do so…. He just took his time looking for a safe place to leave for Remus's.

* * *

"Are you, or are you not a friend of Lily and James Potter?"

"Who?" Remus knew that they knew he was aware of who they were talking about, but he was going to make it as difficult as possible for them.

"Lily and James? You don't know them?" One of the masked men stepped forward. His voice a little more dignified than the others. And… Remus recognized it.

"So… you're not friends with Sirius Black, either than are you?"

Remus didn't say a word. He was trying to figure out where he knew that voice from. It was way too familiar for his comfort.

"The pair of them was inseparable…. But then again, they were also hardly ever seen without Remus Lupin…. And that, sir, assuming we have the right house…" the sarcasm was bitter, no humor behind it, "is you."

"Well, I'm glad you got that far. Good for you." Remus didn't bother hiding his own sarcasm. He was using a technique that James and Sirius were rather fond of; making rude jokes and comments to make them feel like you're not intimidated.

However, this got him nowhere good. One of the bulkier men, obviously the bulk of the group besides the werewolf, hit Remus with something hard over the head. Remus hit the ground hard and slid on the linoleum tiled floor. It wasn't enough to knock him out, but he felt something warm and sticky splatter down his face after the impact. _Ow…._

"Now, let's see if we can get you to tell us what we want to hear." Remus couldn't tell which one of them was talking this time, his vision dizzy and uneven.

"Greyback, pull him to his feet. Put him in the chair and hold him down."

They did so roughly and Remus winced, but otherwise refused to give them the satisfaction of seeing him in pain.

* * *

James finally found a spot. Absolutely no one was around so he turned on the spot before he missed his chance.

There was a light on in the kitchen window, but he couldn't see in. James approached the front door and he couldn't get the sinking feeling out of his stomach that there was something wrong. The front door was slightly open, but only a fraction.

"Remus?" James called

* * *

"_Remus?"_

Remus's face drained of all color. He tried to remain expressionless, but he couldn't hide his panic.

"Well, who might this be?" There was triumph in that voice.

_Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit… _was all Remus could think. How could he get James to take a hint and leave without giving him up to the deatheaters?

One of the deatheaters was approaching the door to answer it. Remus had to think fast. While their backs were turned, anxiously waiting to find out who was at the door, he grabbed the first thing he could get his hands on. This happened to be an empty glass jar. He chucked it at the tall deatheater with his hand on the knob.

It shattered and the man stumbled to the floor.

"RUN PRONGS GET OUT!" Remus bellowed, careful not to say James.

* * *

James didn't have time for a second thought. He turned on the spot straight to Sirius's front door. They needed to get help. This was exactly what James had been afraid of. And now if they didn't hurry, Remus would end up just like Lily's parents.

James's stomach lurched at the mere thought of it. He couldn't let that happen.

"SIRIUS! OPEN UP!"


	14. The Switch

There were two pops outside of the house, but they went completely unnoticed the occupants of the house. They were too busy….

Sirius and James wasted no time getting to the front door. This time, however, James found it locked. Had they assumed that they would be coming back to help Remus? Well they had been right, and he wasn't about to let a little locked door step in the way. Sirius was ahead of him, though; he pointed his wand at the door and with a bang it flew back off the hinges again, this time actually coming off and falling flat into the hall. It was far too quiet in the house. All sound had stopped once they entered the dark entrance way.

Sirius and James exchanged apprehensive looks. They might have to split up- neither wanted that seeing as neither were sure of the situation and what the other might face. However, they didn't have to ponder their next move very long. There was a loud whipping sound and before either of them knew what hit them, they were thrown against the wall.

James stood quickly and dove out of the way as sparks flew just over his head. He looked anxiously over at Sirius who had done likewise and was on the other side of the room, firing curses back and forth.

James quickly whipped his wand around the couch behind which he was hiding and followed Sirius's example.

Flashes of red zoomed over their heads, far too close for comfort. James looked over at Sirius and could have sworn he saw a smirk on his face as he fired back at the enemy.

Suddenly, curses from the other end ceased. James and Sirius looked at each other from across the room, confused.

"Well if it isn't the dynamic duo…." They heard a chilling voice say. Sirius knew as Remus hadn't… this was Lucius Malfoy. Sirius wasn't at all surprised that his cousin was in on this. He had been destined to be in this crowd since day one….

"Why don't you bright young boys just pace your wands over here and stand where we can see you." Lucius continued with that slick as ice voice of his. James knew this was a trick, but nothing could have prepared him for what they heard next.

"Let's put this simply. Come out or we kill the wolf." There was no more pleasantry in his tone. James saw his own terrified expression mirrored in Sirius's. Suddenly the room was filled with a bright red light followed by Remus crying out in horrible pain; the Cruciotis curse.

"No! Don't!" James shouted as Sirius lept up from behind his save zone behind the overturned recliner. Sirius didn't even get a chance to give the deatheaters a piece of his mind before a blinding blue flash hit him in the chest and he was thrown back slamming into a bookcase and toppling over it to the floor, all with a deafening crash.

"NO!" two voices shouted, after the noise. Remus and James didn't see any movement in the debris. _Crap_….

There was a loud thud and James knew that Remus had been hit for speaking out of turn. He'd had enough. James stood and started firing hexes and curses as fast as he could. He jumped over the couch he had been hiding behind and dodged what he could. He started using disarming spells, then got close enough to the men now without wands and started to physically fight them. He knew he had a better chance this way.

The adrenaline he felt seemed to block out all the pain from the opposition and he was doing pretty well despite the odds. He was lucky that it was dark in there, because if any of them saw that they were fighting James Potter, they would call Lord Voldemort in two seconds flat. The thought of it sent shivers down his spine. What if they found out where he and Lily lived? What if he didn't win this fight? Just that one simple thought of defeat was all it took. He lost focus and a fist collided hard with his temple and he fell to the side, slamming his head into the edge of the table.

James tried his best to open up his eyes, blinking past the white dots that were now drifting in and out of his vision… not a good sign. Not to mention, he could feel that his glasses were no longer on his face. Not that he could see even with them; it was too dark. But it certainly wasn't going to help his odds.

"Prongs, you okay?" A pained voice came from next to him. "You idiot, you should have just let it be and gone home-." Remus was cut off and from the sound of it he was getting kicked or beat.

"Stop it!" James shouted at the darkness.

Surprisingly, they listened. James thought at first that they were actually responding to him demanding them to stop, but one of the voices said, panicked, "He's calling! Leave them; the dark lord is more important than these rats…."

And they were gone with several pops, vanishing as quickly as they had come. James pushing himself up and walked over to the wall, groping the wall for the switch. He found it and the lights came on with a click. He squinted at the floor, looking for his glasses. He found them, slightly bent, but otherwise okay. However that was just about the only thing that was "okay". The place was a complete wreck. James also noticed a lot of blood. He realized that a lot of it was coming from him… and Remus. He looked over at Remus on the floor, unconscious- then across the room to the small pile of furniture and bookshelves where he knew Sirius was probably in no better state than Remus.

He didn't know where to go first. Suddenly, the bookshelf in the corner of the room shifted. James rushed over to it and tried to help pry the broken wood and such debris away from Sirius. He grabbed Sirius's hand and pulled him up slowly, carefully.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Nope." Sirius coughed, leaning on James slightly, before steadying himself on his own two feet.

"You look like shit." Sirius added, looking up at James.

"Thanks… not as bad as Remus though…."

At the mention of Remus, Sirius's head snapped in the direction of the kitchen. He saw Remus and made his way to the kitchen with James.

"Take it easy, man…." James told him, but Sirius wasn't listening. Remus looked beyond terrible, and certainly beyond any help that they could give him. He would need professional medical attention….

"Damn…. Oh damn." Sirius bit his lip. He and James knelt down next to Remus, trying to see if they could wake him, without hurting him. It wasn't much use.

"That's it… I've got to tell Lily about this. I'll send her a patronous and tell her to get help. St. Mungo's is pretty fast…. They'll get here quickly enough." James said this as though he were trying to convince himself of it. He wanted to be in control of the situation seeing as there was already so much panic….

Sirius merely nodded at his comment and sat with his back against the wall, head in his hands. None of them were looking good, and James was noticing more noticeable marks on Sirius. He saw that he winced every time he breathed… no doubt he had a few broken ribs. He also had a large gash just above his left ear.

James tried to keep his mind off of it and concentrate on getting a hold of Lily. He needed to sound at least remotely calm in his message. He didn't want to worry her, but in all honesty, how do you go about explaining something like this calmly?

After the patronous was sent, James walked back to the kitchen, and stumbled to sit by Sirius on the floor.

"You really don't look so good, man…." Sirius told James, wincing.

James now had a moment to really feel his own bruises. He realized his face was throbbing as well as his head where he had hit the table. He'd been punched in the gut a couple of times and that now felt incredibly sore. Not only that, but he was still seeing the white dots. Fatigue quickly washed over him.

"I'm fine." He murmured, hoping his sounded more reassuring than he felt.

Sirius made a sound that told James that he didn't believe him. Whatever… he just hoped that help would get there soon so they could make sure Remus would be alright.

* * *

"James! Oh lord, James! Wake up!"

James's eyes snapped open, "What? What's wrong? Where's Remus…. Sirius?" He saw Lily kneeling next to him. He had blacked out, he realized, before he could get her reply.

"Oh thank God… James I couldn't wake you… I thought the worst. What happened? Mungo's is one their way, but I didn't know what to tell them to expect. Lord… I didn't think it would be this bad…." Lily's voice broke. Her hand went to her mouth and tears streamed down her face.

"Hey… come here…. It's okay…. Well, no it's not, but it will be. I promise." James held her close. Lily was so scared she was shaking. James could hardly bear seeing her like this.

James looked to the side to see that Sirius was also out like a light. He smirked slightly and reached over to shake him.

"Hey, sleepy…. Come on, rise and shine." He said, and Sirius came around. Before he could even come up with a clever comeback to throw at James, they heard the sound of rushing feet coming toward the house. There was that initial fear that the deatheaters had come back, but then they realized it was the healers from St. Mungo's….

* * *

Remus didn't wake for several hours. When he did, he was completely fatigued. However, he still managed to be angry with James and Sirius.

"You should have left! I cannot believe you …either of you…. You could have gotten yourselves killed…."

"Remus, you're not really one to talk right now!" James interjected. "I wasn't just going to leave you there…. I knew they'd…. I knew they'd get rid of you."

"That would have been easier than watching you two get killed." Remus muttered, closing his eyes tightly, wincing.

"There's no way, man…. No way could they have killed us…." Sirius said as though he thought they were invincible or something.

"I thought you _were_ dead to be honest…." Remus said to Sirius. "That was a really stupid move you made. You should have known they were trying to trick you…."

"They were torturing you! I wasn't going to just stand by! I know that curse, okay? I've felt it! I wasn't about to let you go through that when I could have stopped it!" Sirius said indignantly. Both Remus and James knew perfectly well that Sirius was telling the truth. He was the only one of them up until then that had ever felt the Cruciotis curse. His father got angry with his eldest son very easily. Sirius had been punished with the curse almost every day of summer vacation until he learned to stand up for himself….

"What did they want, anyway?" James asked, trying to change the subject, though he thought he already knew they answer….

"They wanted to recruit me… and to see if I knew where …." Remus hesitated not sure if he ought to tell James the rest, but he knew better than to try and hide it, "They wanted to know where you and Lily were…."

James just swallowed hard and nodded. This had been exactly what he had been afraid of.

Sirius stared at his hands. His mind was racing. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to hold up like Remus did tonight. What if he broke? What if Voldemort found Lily and James and Harry and it was his fault? Surely if they had made it so far as to assume it was Remus… surely he would be next in line to be 'interrogated'. Sirius normally wouldn't even second guess it, but after seeing what they did to Remus…. What if he broke down and gave them away?

Sirius wasn't afraid of death… not his own anyway. But losing Lily, James, and Harry… well that was like losing the only family he had left. And that was not something he was willing to risk.

* * *

It was a few days later. They had been reassured that Remus was going to make a full recovery. He had certainly seen worse injuries in his lifetime…. Once every month, to be precise.

Sirius had been thinking things over and had finally made up his mind. But he still felt a little uncertain as he stood at the front door of Peter's apartment.

He sighed before knocking loudly three times.

"Sirius?" Peter had peered through the eye hole and quickly opened the door. "What are you doing here? How's Remus doing?" He said it all quickly, as though he was nervous… but that was mostly normal for Peter, so Sirius didn't really take notice.

Peter let him in and they sat in the front room. Sirius looked around briefly. He hadn't been to Peter's often and was surprised for two reasons; one, it was so clean for a guy like Peter, and two because it was such a small space, even for a guy like Wormtail.

"So, what's up, Padfoot?" Peter said after a long silence.

"Oh…er… well, you know what happened the other night…. I've been thinking sense then…."

"Yeah? About what?"

"About being secret keeper. They thought it was Remus… I know they'll check me next…. And well, quite honestly, Peter, they would never think to check you." He hadn't meant it to be offensive; it was true, after all. No one would look at the four Marauders and expect Peter to be the one they entrusted with their lives.

"And?" Peter said, trying not to look hurt by this.

"Well, I was thinking that maybe it would be…. A better idea if it wasn't someone they would expect… if you get my drift."

Peter's heart was racing. He couldn't believe it. He should say no. Everything in his heart was telling him to just say no! But… this was just the opportunity he needed to save himself from Voldemort…. This was it, staring him straight in the face….

"Sure, Sirius. I'll do it. You're right. They'd never expect it to be me…."


	15. Sirius's real home

He kept telling himself that he had done the right thing; the smart thing. But the guilt still got the best of Sirius. He did his best to avoid Lily and James. He didn't want them to think of him as weak, though surely he was after giving up secret keeper to Peter.

There were several moments when he thought to himself, _Seriously? Peter? What the hell were you thinking? _But there was no going back now….

He took to checking up on Peter, though, just to make sure everything was going alright. He figured if he did this much, maybe it wasn't so bad that he had made the switch. But the guilt was still there. He figured it would be until they were out of this mess.

He needed to get away. He wanted a break from having to think about all of this. Sirius wasn't used to caring if he was doing the right thing or not. Suddenly it was like his conscience was working overtime….

* * *

"So how long will you be gone?" James handed Sirius his helmet as they headed for the front door and outside.

"I'm not sure. I'll try to be back for Harry's birthday, but I really don't know." Sirius said, not completely meeting James's eyes.

"Look, whatever is going on, you can tell me…." James said, standing by, arms crossed as Sirius pulled his helmet on and sat on his bike.

"I might… but not now okay? I'll send owls and stuff. I'll be back soon…. I just need to clear my head. " Sirius placed his sunglasses carefully over his eyes, still trying to avoid his best friend.

"You sure you're okay? You don't want me to go with you?" James gave his last attempt to get Sirius to explain to him why he had just showed up this house claiming that he was going away for a couple of weeks.

"I'm sure." Sirius said, and he kicked bike roared to life. James stepped back and held up a hand in good bye as Sirius drove off. Sirius waved back, but almost half-heartedly.

* * *

"In my defense, I didn't necessarily lie to James." Sirius said to his cousin, Andromeda. He had to drive a while to get there, but she seemed very happy to see him. They went to sit in the kitchen and caught up with why Sirius had driven all the way out there.

"Okay, so it wasn't lying if you don't count purposely keeping something from someone in hopes of not feeling any consequences." Sirius said defensively in response to the skeptical look he was getting from her.

"Ah shit that's the exact definition isn't it?" Sirius said wanting very badly to smack his head.

"You said a naughty word." A young girl with electric blue hair was suddenly standing the doorway of the kitchen, staring at Sirius with an angry glare.

"Dora! I told you to get to bed almost two hours ago!" Andromeda stood and tried to usher her daughter from the room.

"I'm eight, mum! I should be able to stay up! I won't go." She said sternly and crossed her arms with the exact same expression Sirius had just seen upon Andromeda's face.

"Nymphadora Tonks, don't you back sass me!"

"Andy, cool it. The kid's got Black Blood in her…. I can take care of it if you want."

"Sirius, that's not necessary. She has to get to bed."

"So, I'll take her." Sirius shrugged and walked over to the young girl whose hair was now a heated crimson.

"I don't need anyone to take me anywhere. I'm almost nine and practically a grown up, thank you very much." She said, crossing her arms and looking remarkably like her mother.

"I know that… that's why I think a smart girl- I mean young lady- like you should be in bed." Sirius raised an eye brow, daring her to challenge him.

Finally, she sighed, "Fine."

"After you, my lady." Sirius bowed to her.

She rolled her eyes and scrambled clumsily up the stairs and to bed.

"You didn't have to do that." Andromeda sighed as they sat back down.

"Jeez, Andy. You act like you don't trust me." Sirius said, looking hurt.

Andromeda had turned away, but Sirius could have sworn he heard her say something like, "Gee, I wonder why that is…."

"Alright, alright- I get it. I know I've done some stupid stuff before, Andy… but I'm not seventeen anymore. I've already disappointed my family to the point of no return."

"So?"

"So, mission accomplished." Sirius shrugged, "I'm not irresponsible- well not _as_ irresponsible…."

"Is that why you're running away?" Andromeda smirked.

"I'm not 'running away'!" Sirius said, using air quotes to emphasize just how ridiculous he thought the suggestion was. "I just need to take a break…"

"From what, Sirius? I've never heard of or seen you doing anything that could drive you to 'needing a break'." She used his air quotes against him to show how he sounded ridiculous too.

"From a mistake…." Sirius muttered, running his hands angrily through his shaggy hair.

"Sirius…." Andromeda noticed his gaze wouldn't meet hers and she grew concerned, "Is it anything I can help with? Or can you at least tell me exactly what it is that you did?"

"No… I can't. And it's nothing you can help with… thanks though. I know what I did was the right thing… I'm just…- I don't know Andy. I've constantly got this weird feeling in my stomach… like something's gonna go wrong…."

"Come on- you're driving me crazy here! What's going on?" Andromeda scooted her chair closer to the table to hear him better.

Sirius chuckled, "No… I really actually can't tell you. I wish I could."

They sat and talked a while longer. Sirius changed the subject to Andromeda's daughter and he asked how work was going with Ted—anything to keep his mind off of Lily and James. Andromeda offered for him to use their guest room for the night, or even until he figured out where he was going. Sirius thanked her, but declined. Soon he was kicking his motorcycle to live again and zooming down the road. After checking and double checking that no muggles were roaming the streets at this hour of night, Sirius pulled up on the handlebar and took to the air.

He traveled like this for weeks, stopping at places he'd always wanted to see. He never knew where he was going until he got there and decided to stop. He hoped all of this would distract him…. But no matter what park bench or (if he got lucky) hotel room he woke up in, he still started each day with a jolt and a feeling of terror in his stomach.

Sirius told himself he wouldn't go home until he could shake this feeling. He'd never had trouble ignoring his conscience before now… he didn't know how else to solve the problem. He wrote letters and made a few phone calls as he promised James he would. He even flew to London and, after gathering more of his gold from Gringotts , he bought a small child's broom for Harry's birthday. He hoped to be there to see the little guy's face, but he still couldn't bring himself to face James and Lily, so he mailed that with a note apologizing for his absence and, just as he did in each of his letters, he promised to return home soon.

After a few more days of traveling, the thought struck Sirius that maybe he needed to go somewhere familiar to him…. It now seemed the only choice he had, having run out of ideas of where to run next.

He knew where he was going now. He swore this would be the last time….

* * *

As Sirius landed in the park across the street, he looked at the space between buildings eleven and thirteen. He almost wished it really was just a mistake in the numbering and it really was just an empty space. However, after stashing his bike in the bushes, approaching the space, and waving his wand, the old apartments began to move as if being forcibly shoved to the side. After a few moments, number twelve Grimald Place stood before him.

He was sure she wouldn't even know he was there, so he walked in and smoothly closed the door behind him. After shoving Kreture away and cursing him under his breath, Sirius made his way up the stairs to his old bedroom. On his way, he noticed Regulus's door. Just the name on the door made Sirius's eyes burn. He walked in and closed the door gently behind him.

The small, square room reeked of dust and stale air. Sirius had a feeling he was the first one to visit it since Regulus's death. He moved towards the old Blackwood dresser. His footsteps produced puffs of dust from the carpet as he walked. There, on the dresser, in the corner, was a picture of the Slytherin Quidditch team. Sirius smiled. His brother's smile was scarily similar in the photograph. Regulus slowly moved his long, curly hair from his eyes and smiled back as his big brother.

Sirius whipped his now wet face on his sleeve, turning away to look at something else. In the corner of the room there was a poster tacked on the wall. It depicted a wizarding band with which Sirius wasn't familiar. He noticed the Slytherin banners hanging around the room and smirked; it seemed they were exact opposites in every way.

Feeling himself tearing up again, Sirius sat hard on the bed, sending another large cloud of dust into the air. Sirius heard a thunk of something hitting the floor. Something had fallen from behind Regulus's pillow when Sirius sat down. Waving the dust away from his face, Sirius bent down to pick up whatever it was.

It was a picture…an old one that used to sit on the mantel. It was still in the small, silver polished frame. Two young boys stared up at Sirius, one smiling toothlessly and the other with an air of mischief about him already, even at so young an age. He couldn't believe Regulus had hung on to this. No doubt their mother had tried to throw it away when Sirius ran away….

Sirius's reminiscing was interrupted by a sharp rapping at the window. He rose from the bed, placing the photo back under the pillows as he did. Recognizing the owl as the one he'd sent Lily, Sirius opened the window to let it in.

It fluttered around the room for a moment, and then landed on the bottom-left bed post, waiting for Sirius to take the letter from its beak and pay him for his services. Sirius crossed the room again and quickly paid the tawny as it dropped the letter on the bed.

As the bird squawked and soared out of the open window, Sirius stood, unopened letter in hand, and went to close the window again.

Slowly, Sirius headed to the door and left the room, not bothering to close the door. He smiled as he entered his own domain just up another short flight of stairs.

His room was set up almost exactly the same as his younger brother's. The bed sat in the far left corner, there were posters covering the grey painted walls, the dresser, a dark brown Maple instead of Blackwood, sat in the same spot with a different picture in the corner. Sirius and his three best friends stared back at him, laughing. The room was a shock compared to the darkness of the rest of the house. Bright gold and crimson colors screamed their defiance from the rest of the house as soon as you walked in. Attractive muggle women stood unmoving by muggle vehicles and there were pictures of muggle motorcycles covering the back of his door.

Sirius chuckled, remembering his mother's face every time she saw his idea of interior decoration. Pushing the thought of his mother from his mind, Sirius slit the top of the envelope to the letter open with his forefinger and took out the contents. As he unfolded the letter, something fell out of the pages and fluttered slowly to the floor.

It was a snap shot from Lily. Baby Harry was zooming across the room with James trailing behind him, trying to catch him. Lily stood in the corner smiling radiantly and laughing at them both.

_Remus must have taken the picture of the three of them… at Harry's first birthday party…._ Sirius thought to himself.

Another pang of guilt hit him in the gut. He should have been there. He knew he should have been there.

Sirius finished the letter, and then, now angry with himself for his absence in their lives, he shoved the letter and the picture in the top left drawer of his dresser, slammed it closed and stormed from the room and out of the house.

How could he have been so selfish to take all of this time for himself? Lily and James were in danger every day! How could he not understand that he needed to spend every minute he had making the best of what they all had right now? Harry needed his godfather. Remus needed his best friends…. And Peter needed someone to keep an eye on him… After all, he had a big job now….

With all of these thoughts and more running through Sirius's mind, he sped home. To his real home.


End file.
